Smelly Danielly
17. 10. 2014

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Life has been busy with crawling and walking and teeth growing and runny noses and trying to figure out life.

Matteo’s respirology appointment went well. CPAP until at least the end of January. The plan is to protect him from any seasonal colds that may come his way. Our hope is that the next time we meet will be the “Good-Bye CPAP” meeting.

The kid now has 8 teeth which seems a bit ridiculous for a Preemie. He is also in the midst of working on a molar. Who is this kid?

His crawling has improved by leaps and bounds in the past couple of weeks. He is doing all sorts of yoga movements and wants to climb up onto everything he can. I’m sure this will only get more insane as time goes on.

He is also obsessed with walking. Has been since before he could crawl. If he can grab your hands he will drag you all over the house. Days are becoming exhausting. He has so much energy.

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On the non baby front, with Matteo’s first birthday coming up very shortly, I need to start thinking about what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Now I do have some time, thanks to Matteo’s hospital stay and EI finally being nice to me, but I have this innate desire to figure this out now.

Going back to work full time is not something I want to do. Going back to work part time, in the right situation, for the right company, is something I do want to do. On top of all of that, I desperately want to go back to school.

Getting my Bachelors in Fashion and then working in the industry for 6+ years was something I do not regret. I loved my schooling and I loved the opportunities that were presented to me. But for some time now I have felt the need for change. I figured maternity leave would allow me the time to sort everything out in my head and now I feel that I am finally starting to see what might be meant to be. Nothing is set in stone and probably wont be for a while, but discussions are happening, plans are being made and research is being done. I am very excited while at the same time trying not to be too excited in case the whole things falls through.

I am starting to lay awake at night trying to figure out in my head how I am going to manage working part time, going to school part time while on top of that being a Mother (part time?). I know it’s futile to think about it right now because I don’t have enough information to create any sort of plan and by the time this all comes to fruition, it will be months down the line and who knows what will be going on then. But at the same time, I have faith that it will work out. I haven’t felt this strongly about something in a long time. My desire to go back to school is huge and the program I am looking at excites be beyond words.

Big change is coming.

15. 09. 2014

Someone has a monkey butt

I have some how destroyed my lower back and it is causing me a lot of grief. It started Friday night. I thought I had Kidney stones because I Googled my symptoms and that was what I was told. However, Chad disagreed and told me I probably just hurt my back, only I don’t recall doing anything that led to this “hurting my back”. Advil and heating pads are helping which concludes that it is not Kidney stones and is back related. However, continuously wrangling the squirmiest 21lbs baby ever is not helping.

Speaking of the squirmiest 21lbs baby ever, he seems to be possessed by the Tooth Growing Pain Devil. I thought we were out of the woods when the majority of his top two front teeth popped through last week but the relief was short lived. He is a bit of a monster today.

Srsly Papa, I think the monster needs a new car seat
He has also figured out some new words. He likes to say “Hi-Da-Da-Da” over and over again. He does not direct this new phrase at Chad, however, because we call him Papa. He decided that yesterday during Mass would be the best time to practice this new phrase so I had to spend the majority of it with him outside. It is the cutest thing ever, though.

He is sitting on his own very well these days. I still place pillows around him though because Chad loses his mind every time Matteo falls over. He is slightly over protective. Matteo has not figured out how to crawl yet but he does like to push himself backwards with his hands all over the hardwood floor. I don’t know if he will every actually crawl but we shall see. He also likes to pull himself up using our hands. He won’t pull himself up any other way, but I am kind of grateful for that because it means I don’t have to lower his crib yet and the longer I don’t have to do that the better. I can’t imagine how hard it will be to put CPAP on when I have to bend over that much.

This guy #newyork #bacon
Speaking of CPAP we have a respirology appointment tomorrow and I am totally feeling anxious about it. I don’t have any particular reason why, I just do. I have already started to have nightmares about it. Ick. Hospitals.

This particularly warm weather we are having these days is nice, but I really want it to get cold. I know that is such a weird request but I want to go to bed wearing a long sleeve t-shirt with out waking up sweating and I want to be able to wear a fuzzy housecoat with out feeling ridiculously over dressed. Are these demands too much to ask? I think not, I mean it is half way through September!

Matteo and Harry Potter cc: @therealhammbone #sockmonkey #harrypotter
It’s crazy to think about it but I have almost been off of work for a whole year, thanks to my pregnancy complications. October 4th was my last day of work, November 4th I was admitted to the hospital and December 4th I finally came home. What is even crazier to think about is that I don’t actually have to go back to work until April 14th 2015 because of Matteo’s hospital stay. Talk about an extended vay-cay. Thankfully, after months of “fighting” with EI my case has finally been figured out (there was a lot of miss communication on both parts that made it very stressful) and I have been given the coverage I deserve.

I am beyond excited for all the holidays and events that are occurring between now and the end of the year. The next 3 months are going to be wonderful!

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Because Matteo is home on breathing support he qualifies for nursing hours. At the time he was assessed he was on a lot more support than he currently is, so when they presented his case they asked for the maximum amount of hours available. They informed me that it was better to ask for more hours than you need in case they grant you less. He was granted the maximum number of hours.

When he came home from the hospital he was required to wear his CPAP masked any time he was asleep. At night it wasn’t that big of a deal because he was always asleep in his crib, but during the day it was much more difficult. If he fell asleep in the car or the stroller we were required to put CPAP on. Truth be told, we never did. While the machine is not huge, it also isn’t small and while carting it around in the car wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, there was no way I was going to cart it around in the stroller. So, we just tried to make sure that he were home when it was nap time and if we happened to be out, well, then, so be it.

About the time the doctors told us Matteo no longer needed to wear CPAP during the day our nursing hours were organized and put into place. We met with our first nurse, Karen, who was fabulous. She helped us establish what kind of hours we wanted and interacted wonderfully with Matteo. At the time she was scheduled to take care of him during the day while a second nurse was scheduled to take care of him at night.

When we had our first night shift I was pretty excited to sleep through the night. Yes, I was naive enough to think that I could sleep through all of Matteos cries while someone else tended to him. The reality was far from that. The night was an absolute disaster.

Putting on a CPAP mask is a tricky task. It’s something that I got the hang of pretty quickly (because I put it on Matteo several times a day and therefore figured out how to settle him) and something Karen had a real talent for (after working with several children who wore CPAP masks over the years) but our night nurse, bless her, just could not do it.

The next day Chad, Matteo and I were zombies. The thought of going through another night like that gave Chad and I anxiety and maybe we jumped the gun a little but we were so fearful of having another horribly sleepless night (way more sleepless than a normal night with Matteo) that we panicked and cancelled all of our night shifts.

Eventually we re-worked our schedule and had Karen booked for some day shifts and early evening shifts. This worked great all Summer long but along the way Chad suggested getting a second nurse into the mix so that Matteo could get used to someone else in case Karen was way or sick. While I knew this was a logical thing to do I resisted it for quite a while until now. We now have 2 day shifts booked and 2 evening shifts book. I have a nurse 4 days a week and it makes me feel ridiculous.

I feel guilty that I have such a great service available to me. I feel spoiled. I have these amazing nurses who come to my house to take care of my kid. They play, they have fun, and they take care of my pretty stable baby boy. Sometimes they talk about other kids they have taken care of and tell me how much support they were on and then I look at Matteo who is on virtually no support.

I know the point of these hours is to give us a break and yes, it is stressful to constantly think/worry about his breathing and to always make sure we are home at night so Matteo can sleep in his crib because he needs CPAP, but it has become such second nature to me that I don’t really think about it any more. I just do it. This is the way our lives are and we just deal with it.

I feel “lucky” that I have someone come to my house to take care of Matteo while I go off and do whatever I want. I feel “lucky” that I do not have to pay for this service. And while I can’t help but feel guilty about it, maybe its just balancing out how “unlucky” I was with my pregnancy and how “unlucky” we have been with his health. Maybe I should stop worrying about what other people think and just take advantage of this service while it is being offered to me. Yes, most first time Moms don’t have personalized health care workers come to their house to look after their babies for free, but I guess most first time Moms don’t have to spend 4 1/2 months going to the hospital every day to visit their babies as well.

I swear I need an office job in order to keep up with my blogging. Actually, Matteo is doing a much better job of entertaining himself these days so maybe if I get my act together I can do a better job over here.

Many moons ago Matteo and I joined the cousins in a little waffle breakfast at Krause Berry Farmers. I had heard much about the farm over the years but had never visited it before.

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The gardens were pretty spectacular. Lots of beautiful flowers to obsess over. I love that my house is surrounded by a forest (really, but not really) but I would love if we could get a little more sun in there so colourful things could grow. Oh well.

It been great having cousins with little ones Matteos age. It’s nice to get together and go on adventures to break up the monotony of being home all the time. Staying at home is awesome but mostly because it allows you the free time to go on adventures while everyone else is working.

29. 07. 2014

On Canada Day we decided to have a little family adventure time. Chad decided not to renew his yearly Grouse Mountain membership so we thought we’d take advantage of the discounts before they ran out. It was a very hot day and we all kind of melted, especially Matteo.

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“Mom, why are we moving?”

Matteo was pretty good on the gondola ride up. He didn’t freak out at all and was totally mesmerized.

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What is this face about!

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Matteo discovered that chewing on cups and mugs and bottles is a lot of fun. He wouldn’t let Chads water bottle go.

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The bears were out and about and I was so excited! Made my day to be able to get up and close with them. Last week Matteo and I went for a walk in Mundy Park and a couple warned me that they had just come across a bear. Needless to say we scooted out of there quickly but put that bear behind a fence and he is my BFF.

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He was getting pretty uncomfortable by the end of our adventure due to the heat. On the ride down he freaked out and when I went to pick him up I realized that he was sweating so much his entire back was soaking wet. Poor bugger. Looks like he inherited his Mothers distaste for the heat.

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What a beautiful way to spend our country’s Birthday!