i have the stomach flu / or food poisoning / or something gross to do with my stomach
and i have a sweet fever going too – yay sweat and chills!!!
im going to eat soup and watch waynes world and be annoyed that im not at the cambie
my dog is laying down beside me and he smells like ass…so not good
omg its almost christmas
im annoyed
for no particular reason
i have no make up on and my nose looks big
but at least my hair is straight and long and amazing
even when i have no expression what so ever on my face it automatically looks like im pissed off or annoyed…i inherited that from my dads side of the family…
im still annoyed
say something nice
*EDIT*
slight difference with make up on eh…
the lights too yellow
i like my eyebrows
gawd i look dead in the first picture compared to this…
and how
Cuz the boyz in the hood are alwayz hard 
i went to help my aunt decorate her christmas tree this morning…she use to live with my nonno and nonna on their farm but when they died she moved into a little place of her own…this is the first year since shes moved in there that shes put up a christmas tree…i offered to help her so she wouldn’t have to do it herself…
while decorating i unwrapped all the old ornaments that i use to see on the farms christmas tree year after year…decorations that had been made by the grandkids…decorations that they bought when they first came to canada in the 50s…it all brought back memories for me…
the farm was my most favorite place in the world and the hardest thing was to see them sell it…ive never been back since my grandparents died but it was nice to see all their old things today…my aunt promised that one day she’ll give me all the ornaments so that i can have a little piece of the farm on my tree…YAY
haha look at the fruitness which is our family christmas photo…so hot…at least i am wearing the GREATEST toque ever…i should actually dedicate a post to that toque…
but im in bed and my brain wont shut off…it keeps thinking and thinking and going over things and making me worry about stuff i really dont want/have to worry about…its driving me crazy…
i feel out of sorts tonight and im not really sure why…just feel lost with out a direction…i did a total of nothing tonight and every time i tried to find something to amuse myself i just became bored…i cant rest…i feel uneasy…its all rather bizzare…
but ive come to several realizations about myself tonight…one which stands out most is that i find myself not asking questions because i am scared of the answer…id rather just sit in ignorance but have everything be ok…i can see myself 10 years from now being that person who turns the other way pretending that everythings ok when really its not but shes just to scared to do anything about it…sometimes i worry that the answers that come out will be to hard to deal with or something that i dont want to hear…and thats pretty pointless to worry about since i have no idea what the answers would be…i never asked questions the last time…i never fought for what i wanted…i just always smiled and nodded and hoped that eventually things would change…but in the end thats what made me mad the most was how i had let myself down…how i didnt do it the way i wanted it…how i didnt stand up for myself…
maybe its a build up of having asked so many questions before and gotten so many bad answers back…i think im just doubting my own strength really…so many things have been thrown at me over the years and i havent broken yet so why would i now…or any time soon for that matter…
i dont know where any of this came from…or what it has to do with anything but its just been going through my head all night long…so out of the blue and so random…but then thats my brain for you…
