It’s almost pitch black outside. With the light on in the office, the glare it creates on the windows means I can’t see anything outside except my reflection and the reflection of the office. Its snowing, Vancouver snow, hich means its half rain half snow. But the point is, I can’t see it.

I just burnt my tounge on my tea. Damn you warm yummy tea. *shakes fist*

I got a txt from Chad while I was on my way home last night informing me that he would be home by 6. This put a little hitch in things because being as it was Thursday night I had to leave by 6:30 to go to choir practice. I figured I would try and get dinner started as soon as I got home so that when Chad arrived it would be ready on the table and I could scarf down my food and leave. Well, coming home at 6 turned into coming home by 6:15 which turned into just eat and go cause I don’t know when I will be home. While I was a little frustrated I ate as fast as I could and ran off the choir only to be a few minutes late.

Instead of these choir practices getting easier they keep getting harder. Some people show up one day and then don’t show up another day and when I am training my ear to pick up the sounds that the person beside me is singing and then the person beside me keeps changing I just end up sounding like a disaster and get extremely frustrated because I don’t know what the hell I am singing.

The way its set up is there are two ‘sets’ of Altos, the ones that sit on the bench and the ones that sit on the chairs. I am right in between the two of them and last night there was no one directly beside me. The choir is filled with older people who all know each other and have been singing together. I feel complete out of place when I am there. I am young and quite and so damn shy I just sit there by myself not knowing what to do. I feel like a scared 12 year old.

My voice has been completely off that last two practices, its almost as if I can’t sing like I use to. I can’t hit the notes I’ve always hit. I have no power behind my voice and my ear is totally off. When I open my mouth and sing it doesn’t feel like me. I can’t figure out whats wrong. My throat is sore all the time, morning and night and the only thing I can think of that could possibly link all these problems is the lump on my throat. And thinking about it just makes me horribly depressed and worried that something is seriously wrong.

Near the end of the practice we were going over our most difficult piece. I was complete lost and could not hear my part what so ever. The conductor clearly saw my frustration and suggested that I move in between two very strong Altos, which is exactly what I needed. Instead of feeling rejuvenated by this I was horrified by my lack of ability to sing with out someone having to physically move me somewhere else. Everyone was silent and watched me move spots. I could feel my face go completely red. As much as I knew this change would benefit me I was totally embarrassed and I don’t know why. The ladies were very nice and asked me my name and the whole time I felt like a little kid who just wanted to run away and hide. I was this close to bursting into tears.

The rest of the practice I felt completely defeated. I felt like it was too hard to go on. I felt completely out of place. I was in a horrible mood for the rest of the night, I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know why this whole experience is making me revert back to being a kid.

I am not looking forward to going back next week.

There are two practices left. I hope they go better then this one did.

This morning is beautiful. Its crisp and cold outside but the sun is out and is bouncing off all the frost. It makes me excited for Christmas. Even though the two aren’t related.

We have nothing planned for Friday night and Saturday day so I am going to take every opportunity to sleep and cuddle and watch Christmas movies and just eat it all up. Its been a long time since I’ve had nothing to do on a Saturday, but with all the home reno’s basically done, and all the Thank You cards out I am FINALLY left with Saturdays filled with what I want to do. I’m really excited about it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what the future holds these day. We pretty much have the next two years of our lives planned out. Not written in stone but there are definitely somethings that have already started to be planned. Savings account set up for certain events. Information collecting for other events. And doors open for one very special project, something I’ve never mentioned to anyone before.

Since 2005 this blog has followed me through all of my life’s events. Relationships, School, my first ‘Real’ job, family events, parties, weddings and much more. When I started this blog I knew it would be the about the one real thing I could talk about; myself. As self centred as that is I always found it interesting to keep track of all the things that happened to me. My blog really is like my diary. I am writing a documentary about myself.

The blogs that I love to read the most are the blogs like mine; stories about peoples lives. I’ve always been fascinated with biographies. I love learning about peoples lives and the things that happen to them, even if all they have to say on Monday morning is that they had Toast for breakfast and there dog kept them up all night. I find it all so fascinating. I love peoples history, and the paths they’ve taken in their lives. I love reading about their feelings and what makes them tick. It is one of my favorite things to read about. Wikipedia has become my new best friend.

So because of this, my blog will always be about my life. It will always be about what I am dealing with at that moment. It will follow me through vacations, and job changes. It will follow me through having kids and moving houses. When we go to Italy for a month, I hope to write every day about where we visited and what we saw. When we change houses, I hope to write about my feelings leaving the first place we ever shared together. When we have kids, I hope to write about my experience and excitement.

My goal is that in 20 years I can come back here and read my old stories. I can reminisce about old adventures. I can remember what it was like when I first met Chad. I can laugh at pictures of parties about Balls. I can smile at all the friends this blog has helped me gain.

I hope that as random as this blog can be it is still enjoyable to read. Even if there is no one out there to follow me and my stories anymore I hope to still write them. Because what has started out as something for you, has become something for me.

Sunday we spent the day at Chad grandmas house celebrating her birthday. After what felt like very little sleep and relaxation we headed out to South Surrey where all the girls did crafts and the boys all entertained themselves until dinner time. Chad went out and bought the rest of the gifts for the family so now we are totally done shopping for Christmas! Chads mom and I made beaded stars and my mom, who joined in on the fun, made some other ornaments with the kids.

I only made two things because I was feeling down right icky and the lack of sleep from the night before was hitting me hard. I basically almost passed out on the couch with a glass of wine in my hand. A class act if you ask me.

Dinner was good though and we showed everyone our wedding pictures on DVD. By the time we left it was 9 and both Chad and I were ready to fall asleep. I had the worst headache and my throat was not co-operating what so ever. When we got home I didn’t even bother attempting to clean up the disaster from the night before and instead watched a Dateline NBC special on Charles Manson. Much more entertaining then cleaning up.

Monday night we went to the Reef for Claudia & Alicias belated birthday. I don’t know how I feel about the Reed anymore. I mean every time I think about going there I drool with excitement, and then I get there and I stuff my face with plantain chips and then I think to myself ‘I need to take a break from the plantain chips’. I dunno is that weird? Does that even make any sense?

Speaking of drooling I’m pretty sure I soaked my pillow case last night. But I can’t remember if it was a dream or not. Humm…

TONIGHT IS COSTCO NIGHT!

Make Love To My Balls 08

Patz Post with the official pictures

I’m not going to blog about the party. I don’t have time today and I didn’t upload my pictures yet. Patz got them on facebook and hopefully he will post them on flickr so I can show you all how to make love to a Christmas Ornament.

The weekend was busy and I’ve been feeling under the weather for a while now so I was pretty much exhausted last night. Chad as well since he hasn’t caught up on sleep yet from Ottawa.

The place is a disaster because we had to move a bunch of stuff for the party and then we were out all day yesterday and nothing has been put back. There is also a huge stack of serving dishes that need to be washed at some point tonight. That and floor is disgusting. Such a pigsty.

We are going to the Reef tonight for Claudia & Alicia’s birthday. I have to help Alicia finish these signs and then we are off to enjoy a plate of Plantain Chips & Johnny Cakes!

Bet your jealous!!!

There is lots of food. But its suppose to be that way. I’m Italian. I must over feed. Its in my blood. I actually didn’t make everything I planned on making. There is a 1kg block of brie cheese still in the fridge. I think we started this too late so people aren’t as hungry. Mental note for next year. Marlee brought lots of food too so that’s good. I was worried cause the ppl who said they would bring food had to cancel so i thought we would run out be we didnt. holla.

Alicia. I miss you. Melissa. I miss you. WISH YOU GUYS WERE HERE.

Plus every one else who couldn’t make it. ITS NOT LIKE I LOVE YOU LESS BECAUSE I AM NOT GIVING YOU A SPECIFIC SHOUT OUT. I just promised those two I would.

Its really loud in here. I lost my drink. I’ve got too much to do to worry about it.

Everything went as planned. We decorated everything with lots of time to spare. We have lots of tree decorations but not enough house decorations. That will change tomorrow tho. Score.

I really need some chapstick.

There is christmas music on in the background and rap on the computer. Its confusing.

I forgot what I was going to say. Demis interuppted me.

My hair is amazing tonight. I love straightening irons.

Ok I gotta go.

Bi love.