Monthly Archives: January 2009

Just Call Me Scarface

Posted on by

So the results are in!

And they are… Inconclusive! SCORE!

Oh well, what can you do right?

(I wrote out this whole post yesterday only to find out that the company that hosts my blog blew up and so I lost my whole post and blog until late last night, but by then I was to tired to re-write the whole story.)

CIMG4341
CIMG4342
CIMG4343

I was super nervous yesterday morning, as always, mainly because I just wanted to get it over with and find out what our next steps were. Chad and I arrived at the doctors office a few minutes early to fill out some info and to confirm that they had all my test results, which they didn’t even though I called on Friday to confirm that they did, so we had to get that all sorted out.

We sat down and ended up having to wait 45 minutes even though my appointment was at 11am. Finally the doctor came out, dressed totally casual in jeans and a button up shirt. His shoes made his outfit spiffy though. Thank God he was not wearing runners, then I might have been scared. He was an older guy (as doctors usually are) but was pretty cool.

We first went into his office to discuss everything as he had never met me before and now had very important results in his hand.

First we chatted about the lumps on my boob, which after much consideration I decided to not remove. The scar would have been larger then I though and would be in a very visible area so I figured I’d wait on it. The lumps are just cysts and not cancerous or anything to worry about so I figured that leaving them would be the best thing. They did bother me at one point because I hated the thought of them being there, but for right now I think they will stay put.

Next was my lumpy Thyroid. That needs to be removed. After doing a Thyroid biopsy the results usually fall into three categories – Cancer, Not Cancer, or We Just Don’t Know Yet. I fall into the last category. When doing the test they only remove a few cells, and while a lot of times that’s all they need to figure out if its Cancer or not, sometimes they need to look at the lump as a whole. He did say that the best and most treatable Cancer out there is Thyroid Cancer. Its like winning the Cancer jackpot. If there is such a thing.

He added there is a 96% chance that it is NOT Cancer so that good, but there is always that possibility. They are, however, going to treat me as if I do have Cancer, not to scare me or anything, but to put me on the fast track. They will be calling me later this month to schedule surgery. I will have to have the left side of my Thyroid removed along with the large visible lump and a smaller one they found during the ultra sound. Once they are removed they will be tested for Cancer. Best case scenario is that everything is fine and I don’t have to have any more surgeries. Worst case scenario is that it is Cancer and I have to go back and have the right side of my Thyroid removed resulting in me being on medication for life.

After hearing all this the doctor asked me if anyone had mentioned this to me before or if I was a little in shock. All this news that he was feeding me I kind of figured was what I was going to hear. Even though I spent countless hours worrying about it, I kind of had already figured out what I would be dealing with anyways.

Mentally, I was exhausted yesterday, finally being able to release all that I had been worried about.

Emotionally, I was ok. My tough cookie mentality came back, and know that I knew what I had to do I was ready to getter done. What I was more worried about was Chad.

During his life he has never really had to deal with anyone in his family being sick, going to the hospital, or even dying. Everyone in Chads immediate family is alive. He is 31 years old and still has his grandparents! Me on the other hand, everyone in my family has been sick, I’ve spent an insane amount of hours visiting people in the hospital, and have been to more funerals in my life then I would like to admit. With my Dad being the last of ten kids, my grandparents were really old, and a lot of people they knew were really old. As a kid I can’t even count the times I visited them in the hospital, on top of my Uncles and Aunts. As kids we accompanied my parents to the funerals of every Italian in a 5 mile radius, not to mention countless family funerals. People being sick doesn’t bother me because I been around it my whole life. Chad on the other hand has very little experience with it, and now the most important person in his life has to go in for surgery.

After we left the doctors office I was totally fine with everything. Content that I knew what was going on, and prepared to face the next step. Chad on the other hand had this look of concern on his face, like he didn’t know what to make of it all. His wife was going to be chopped up and left with a scar across her neck. All I could say was Thank God we already got married (for the sake of wedding photos)!

I think it will take him some time to process this all. I’ve pretty much got it under my belt and want to face this thing head on. It is definitly going to bring us close together as a couple.

I also just wanted to say THANKS to all of you who sent me messages and left me comments of encouragement. I really appreciate it! <3

I really am ok will all of this.

D Day – 1

Posted on by

Fire
Book Shelves
Living Room
Chad
TV Watcher

It’s a photo explosion over here at the Ciavarros. I am uploading wedding pictures onto Facebook on Chads computer because my little laptop can not handle ANYTHING that has to do with Facebook. I am uploading other pictures to Flickr on here. It’s taking about 12 minutes to upload 4 photos on Facebook, but maybe that’s because each photo is 8MB. Ha. Screw resizing.

Chads all pissed off at the Canucks which is expected but I really don’t know why he bothers with them anymore.

I’m feeling ok about tomorrow but my head still feels heavy with thoughts. My body is slightly exhausted.

Chad joined Twitter, but I am still holding out strong. I get it and then I don’t get it and I know if I do get it then I will waste all my time on there.

I think its going to take me the entire week to upload all these photos to Facebook.

Friday Night Stink Fest

Posted on by

I made Greek Lemon potatoes for the first time last night. They were so damn tasty I will have to make them again. I think we have potatoes with every meal. Is that weird? We are kind of obsessed. Its the one thing I know Chad loves so I make them all the time. I also found out that if I make something that I know Chad isn’t a huge fan of, all I have to do is add bacon to it. Remember those green beans I was going to make? Well I know he didn’t care for them that much so I topped them off with some cheese and bacon and he ate them up! GENIUS. I am probably going to add bacon to everything now. Men love their bacon.

Snuggles

I got a call from my Doctor this morning asking to me to book an appointment next week on top of the specialist appointment I have. Its to discuss the results of my test. I don’t know how I am suppose to feel about all this but I can’t help but think negatively. I’ve tried thinking things will be ok but it doesn’t work. The bottom line is I don’t really think its cancer because I have no symptoms and all my blood test came back fine. The lump itself could be full of all kinda of bad things but either way I know they are going to want to remove it. My only hope is that they don’t have to remove my Thyroid too and I won’t have to live on medication for the rest of my life. God, I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I guess its just the waiting to find out what the hell is going on that is driving me nuts. I can’t help but totally feel down right now about all this. I just kind of wanna get through this day of work with out thinking or using my brain. I just want to coast. All this medical crap is a lot to process.

Peanut Butter Lover

Tonight we are partaking in Dine Out Vancouver. Our restaurant of choice this year is Don Francesco. I am looking forward to sitting and relaxing with a glass of wine totally zoning out on life and just thinking about the good food that will be in front of me. I love Dine Out Vancouver and look forward to it every year. Its the perfect excuse to get out and try a restaurant you normally wouldn’t think of.

My 'end of the day' Face

The boys are all getting together tomorrow to do their whole pig thing. Sausages and Salami galore. I will only be participating in the afternoon, but if it smells anything like it did last year I think I might have to skip it and just show up for dinner. But I guess I should double check if I am even invited for dinner. Haha. That would be bad to just show up.

Le sigh. Anyways, I’ve got 3 more hours here so I best be getting back to work and produce something so that it doesn’t look like I am a zombie sitting in this chair.

My head is all fuzzy.

Colours n’ Flowers n’ Inspiration

Posted on by

Dario and Marlee came over last night to hang out, watch the hockey game (which was a waste of time), and talk wedding stuff.

We had a lot of ideas in regards to colours and dresses and such, and I started to feel overwhelmed. Ironic because its not even my own wedding. I kept craving the organization of a theme.

Marlee’s going to laugh at me when she reads this.

Whenever I do a project, the first thing, the hardest thing, is to come up with a theme. 4 years of design school has trained me to do so. No matter what the project is, if its painting a room or planning a wedding I always need to know what the theme is. It helps me to organize my thoughts and gives me some sort of direction.

I also hoped that coming up with a theme would not only help me but it would obviously help Marlee and hopefully making ideas she had seem more clear. I know that Marlee isn’t as picky about things as I am but I figured this organization of thought would be beneficial. I told Marlee what kind of ideas I came up with for my wedding and what I decided was my theme. I told her how I used that theme to drive the things I chose in my wedding, be it the decorations for the hall or the topper on the cake. EVERYTHING connected to the theme. But then again, I can be anal.

She obviously didn’t need to be as anal as me, as I could see she had a much more casual attitude about the whole thing, so we came up with some words that discribed what she wanted her wedding to be. It ended up helping a lot because from it we were able to find the perfect bouqet for her and became completely inspired by the sweetest of fruits. It was like a brain storm went off and everything made sense. Well, it did to me at least.

As being Marlee’s MoH I wanted to make sure that her and I were on the same page, so that if I was out shopping or reading a magazine and I saw something I knew would go perfect with the wedding I could tell her about it. This is why I needed to clear my head of ideas and find out what she was really looking for. This is why I needed to figure out the theme. Not because I am some control freak who wants to steal Marlees thunder, (even though I kind of feel like I am coming across as controlling and pushy) but because I wanted to make sure I understood what she wanted and where she was coming from. There would be no sense in me suggesting deep red roses and elaborate candelabras if what Marlee really wanted was a beach theme were there were lots of soft colours and sea shells.

Now that we’ve got some really good ideas written down I think I will be a lot more relaxed. I clearly seemed way too crazy and excited last night. I’m confident in what we came up with that I think figuring out the rest of the wedding stuff should be fairly easy because Marlee will have her colour scheme and “theme” to fall back on.

We’ve set up the building blocks for inspiration.