I went to the specialist yesterday for my follow up appointment. I forgot to mention it because it really wasn’t on my mind at all. I was told by the receptionist that if they found anything negative they would probably call me and move up my appointment instead of making me wait 3 weeks. So I figured no new was good new. WRONG.
Because I had no inclination that anything was going to go wrong I went to the appointment by myself. No Chad, no Mom, just me. I figured he would look at the scar, say everything was good and I would be out of there.
I went into his office. He looked at the scar and said ‘It looks great! Too bad we need to do this again’. I’m sorry WHAT?
At that exact moment I went into shock. I just sat there.
He proceeded to tell me that the test results came back and I have Papillary Thyroid Cancer. I will have to go back in for surgery in May to remove the other half of my Thyroid, then I will have to go on Hormone Replacement pills for the rest of my life. I just about puked.
I just sat there saying “ok…..ok…..sure”. He asked me if I had any questions and I just sat there staring at him. How the hell am I suppose to formulate questions right now when you just told me I have/had Cancer?
I guess the technical aspect of it is that I DID have Cancer. The lumps they removed tested positive for it and the removal of the other side of the Thyroid is a mandatory precautionary method. But that still doesn’t make me feel any better.
He went on about other things but I really have no idea what he said. I couldn’t process it all.
He kept down playing the aspect of Cancer saying that its the best one to have and lots of people have gone through this before, including his secretary. That’s great and all, but he was also the one that said I had a 5% chance of actually HAVING Cancer.
All I could think about sitting there was that I now had to go home and drop this bomb on Chad. I had to call my parents and tell them. They had to call all the people who had been asking and tell them. It was going to be a disaster. Everyone figured I was fine because I hadn’t heard anything and now this. I couldn’t handle it. I just wanted it to go away.
I acted calm and brave and he asked me if I have a clam personality. “No” I replied. I am Italian. I should be waving my hands and over reacting at this point.
I left his office and sat in the waiting room waiting to fill out the same paper work I did the last time. It must have started to sink in, the news of what was going to happen, because my domineer changed, and they could tell. The secretary tried to re-assure me and the specialist came out to do the same, but it was no help. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Chad kept messaging me to see if everything was ok, but there was no way I could tell him via Txt. My heart was breaking.
I finally got home and told him. He was just as much in shock as I was. I phoned my parents and told them as well. Then the news started to spread amongst the family and everyone started phoning me and I put on my brave voice and they cried to me on the phone. I think everyone is at a loss.
I think it is such a shock to everyone because we really thought that everything was ok and had no indication that there was anything wrong and now it feels like we are back a square one.
I remember saying to Chad a few days after surgery that I better not have to do this again. It was one of the worst experiences of my life and here I am about to face it again. I can’t even believe it.
I just sat there in a mist last night. I had a massive head ache from all the crying and worryingand thinking. The only thing I could stomach to eat of a piece of cheese and pine nuts. How friggin random.
I just don’t want people to make a big deal about this. I don’t want people to have to worry about me. I just want it to be all done and over with so we never have to talk about this again. I don’t want to be a burden.
I don’t really know about how I feel. My head is too complicated to actually assess all the information and come to a conclusion for myself. It will take me a few days to process and then I will be back to normal, ready to fight.
Like Chad kept saying last night, I’ve done this once, I can do it again.
on March 18th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Sucks big-time Kid. I’m with Chad on this one…you can go through it again…..you have to. Again, I’m also waiting until my tumor starts growing again and I’ll be right there with ya…I didn’t like having to do surgery, but I know its inevitable that I’ll have to go through it all again. And the next time there is a very good chance I’ll have to do hormone therapy for the rest of my life as well. I had great support through my last carving and I know you have a great family and good friends that’ll give you everything you need.
on March 18th, 2009 at 10:14 am
During the second surgery the biopsy samples from the thyroid bed must be taking in order to prevent 3rd surgery!
on March 18th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Chad’s a wise man. ditto with what he said. You did it once, you can get through it again. But it still sucks the big one. On the brighter side, it sounds like the cancer didn’t spread and everything should be over and done with. Keep your head up kiddo!!
on March 18th, 2009 at 11:18 am
I am shocked. You are so young its surprising that you are going through this.
I wish I could say or do something to make it go away.
You’re a strong woman, I know for a fact you’ll get through it. Catching it this early is the good part. I’m sorry you have to go through the whole surgery ordeal again. Be brave sweetheart and please let me know if you need anything! I am just a doorstep away *hugs*
on March 18th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Oh my God, Danielle, I am SO sorry to hear this. This sucks so very much. I don’t know what to do, but I’ll certainly pray for you.
on March 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
i can’t believe you have to go through this, go through it again. surgery of any kind sucks but now the added stress on you both. i don’t pray but but im thinking of you both loads and loads sending the good thoughts your way. you were a total trooper in the hospital and you’ll beat this you will. i know you will. if you need anything, need to unload ANYTHING, just mail me, i’ll even come be your in home nurse if you want when you get home. hang in there.
on March 18th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Hey Danielle,
I’ve been a reader of your site for a few years now but have never commented. I just want to send you my well wishes and although this probably won’t mean much or even register, my best friend’s Mom was diagnosed with this type of Cancer last year and she is doing amazingly well. We got the whole “it’s the best cancer to have” spiel as well, and I can empathize that it means nothing. Cancer is scary, no doubt about it and I cannot imagine what you and your family are going through but in 6 months, or a year, or longer, when this is all over you will be such a support to young women who will hear this news. You seem to be such a strong and positive person, I have no doubt that you will get through this in a strong, humorous, and of course fashionable way, all the best!
on March 18th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
I have never even met you but I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry that you have found yourself in such an unbelievably tough place once again. Nothing I or anyone else can say will make this better, but take heart, have faith and find that strength you managed to find the first time around. It sounds like you have a very loving and supportive family. <3
on March 18th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Danielle,
Much love to you. Let me know if you need anything. Seriously. I may not make the best pasta in town, but hell I will try!
on March 18th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
ditto evrything evryone else said…reality is that it IS scary and it IS sad. Im sad for you and your family and especially your mom (im a mom). But I do believe you will get through it. Prayer is good. So is faith. I’ll pray for you too <3
on March 18th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
First and foremost your prognosis is EXCELLENT!! In addition to being old enough to be your mom and an RN, I too am a cancer survivor! Initially it is sureal and very hard to accept they are really talking about you. As it slowly sinks in you will formulate your action plan along with the MD’s. That in and of itself makes you start to feel better…As each part gets taken care of, you will feel better and more able to cope. Time really does make it easier! As others have said you have a wonderful, caring and supportive family and they will help too….You will be fine! Please feel free to contact me if I can help you in anyway…Many, many, hugs….
on March 18th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
awww hun.. *hug*
everything has been said so i’ll keep this short.
You’re amazing, and you’re a fighter so you’ll get through this. You have an amazing support group. xoxoxo
on March 18th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Look at this way, my appendix exploded when I was 17. 100 years ago I’d be dead and gone right now. Just treat this like a new lease on life. Take a vacation!! I hear France is nice this time of year!
on March 19th, 2009 at 5:17 am
When I get back: you, me, hugs … it seems so trite for me to comment on this on the blog … in-person feels so much more appropriate. … I will come straight from YVR tomorrow night, if I have to! T
on March 19th, 2009 at 8:33 am
I’m new at this blog thing and I saw your link on your Facebook profile so I clicked to check it out. Wow.
I’m so sorry to hear that you have to go in for surgery again. Sounds like you have an amazing bunch behind you which is most important.
Wishing you the best .
on March 19th, 2009 at 8:38 am
I am so sorry to hear this. But your hubby is right, you will get through this. You obviously have the most amazing family and group of friends who will, no doubt, be with you.
My father went through the exact same surgery…gosh, I can’t even remember…10+ years ago.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
on March 19th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Stay strong and positive…they got the bad stuff out already the first time, this is just to make sure it wont come back later on….you can do it!!! you’re a strong italian chica and its better to get it ALL over with now right? I wish you great success and well wishes xoxo
on March 20th, 2009 at 3:34 am
I’m so sorry! But like the others said above, it was caught early and that’s a good thing. You are obviously a strong woman and you will get through this. We are supporting you as well! *hugs*
on April 9th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
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on May 6th, 2009 at 10:06 am
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