I’m beat. All of a sudden. And its 11am.
As predicted, I am back to my normal self. I’ve gotten over the shock of Tuesday, and the anxiety of continuing to tell everyone on Wednesday and have settled back into my old self.
I don’t know if I am just living in denial or what. At the same time its hard living in denial when the truth is staring you right in the face. I guess what I feel is that I am not going to sit here and worry about it because that will do nothing, and when the next surgery date comes up and I am sitting in that hospital bed again I will face it then. There is nothing I can do now, and really there’s not even anything I can do then, this is all out of my hand.
But as I’ve said to several people who have asked me how I am doing, I am getting on with it. What good does it to do sit here and be mopy? Does it help? No. Sure there are those times when I will be sitting on the couch watching TV and I will remember my situation and realize how much it sucks but those moments will pass. I can’t stop living my life.
I don’t want people to worry about me and look at me with pity in their eyes. I am fine, the bad stuff is already out. I want life to go back to normal. There is no need to walk on pins and needles around me I am good! Honestly. Lets just sit back and have fun and forget any of this has even happened.
I got a lot of stuff done last night but that’s only because my parents came over and I had to look busy and not procrastinate on the computer every 5 minutes. I should have them come over every time I need to be productive. I had quite a bit to catch up on since Tuesday night was a disaster. That and I always put such stress on myself when people come over that everything in the apartment needs to be exactly perfect, when in reality, I don’t think any of my friends care when they come over to watch a Hockey game whether or not the books on the shelf are in the proper order or if there is a pile of filing on my desk. Tonight I just have to sweep the floors and make some appys and I am home free.
I’ve recieved a lot of emails and comments and messages over the past few days. I appriciate them all <3. I’ve gotten through all my facebook messages and now have to start on my emails. Thankfully I have little to no work to do today. Score!
on March 19th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
As weird as I am, I’m fun to watch a hockey game with :-) I wanna come to your place sometime to watch the Nuckleheads win another home game….you guys will love me there…you really will!
ps…I don’t feel pity for you…its darn near a 100% success rate…you’ve just been dealt a shitty life blow…but as you say…what it out, go for the next surgery, recover and live to party on….
on March 19th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I am very excited for tonight! If you need any help getting things in order just text me and I’ll come over and give you a hand. For now I’m going to whip up something else and I will see you tonight! yayyy! <3
on March 19th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Now I am POSITIVE you are going to be fine, that is exactly the right idea!..It is out of your control and you are going to just get on with your life! Even more hugs to you!!
on March 19th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Reading this reminded me of my friend who was going through a rough time with her dad in the hospital. She was a tough cookie about it too. You’ll be back on your feet in no time, be well!
on March 21st, 2009 at 11:37 am
My best wishes for a full recovery.
I have complete confidence you will get through things with flying colors.