So I am booked for surgery tomorrow. At the hospital by 8am, in the OR by 10am, and 3 hours of recovery time.
I was basically falling apart last week worrying about the surgery. I was in such a bad head space, everything that was remotely happy still felt sour to me.
And then this weekend came around and maybe it was the sun or the fact that I got to buy new flowers for our deck but all the sour went away and I started to feel positive about everything.
The worst part of the surgery last time was the fact that there was a possibility of having to go back to do more. It wasn’t like the surgery was a one time shot, there was a possibility of it being a two time shot, and after the surgery I spent a lot of time worrying about having to go back to do it again. And then what happened? I was told I would have to go back to do it again.
This time I won’t have to worry. This is a last time shot. I mean, hopefully I won’t have to go back to have anything else removed, but as it looks right now, once this is over, its over. I may have to go for tests and treatments, but as far as surgery goes, I think I will be able to wipe my hands clean of that.
The surgery to me represents the end. I know I will still have to go back for tests, I will still have to figure out my medication, I will still, possibly, have to get treatments done, but all that stuff I can handle, surgery, not so much. Once 10am tomorrow morning rolls around, I know that I will be on the road to better things.
I am hesitant to say that “I will never have to have surgery again” because I feel a bit jaded. I was so sure that I wouldn’t have to have this done a second time that I feel ‘screwed over’ having to go back a second time. So this time, even though I know it most likely is the end, it worries me that I will believe that and then recieve another surprise that I have to go back for something else. I will breath a sigh of relief when I am told its all over.
I just want to get it done and put it behind me. I want to start the healing process. I’m tired of sitting in the waiting process.
on May 12th, 2009 at 9:25 am
You are going to be fine, count on it…
on May 12th, 2009 at 9:29 am
good vibes….
on May 12th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Good luck!
on May 12th, 2009 at 10:56 am
<3 It’s almost over… just in time for summer :)
on May 12th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Just focus on this bump in the road … don’t worry about the other ones that you can’t even see yet. We’re almost there! XOXO :)
on May 12th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
You’ll be totally fine, and plus now you get a rational reason to be lazy and watch chick flicks for a few days!
on May 12th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Hope all goes well Smelly. Lemme know how you’re doin.
on May 12th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Prayers and mojo sent.
on May 13th, 2009 at 3:53 am
hugs and kisses!!
on May 14th, 2009 at 7:11 am
hope you are healing well!