I have never lived on my own. Instead, I went the ‘typical Italian’ route and went from a house with my parents to a house with my husband. So, this basically means that I am a huge pansy when I have to be home alone. During the day is fine, and I enjoy being able to putt around and do my thing, but at night, as for most people, is the worst.
During the first year of our marriage Chad has been away quite a bit. Mostly short 1 week trips to Ottawa, Chilliwack, and Calgary, so for the most part I have, somewhat, gotten use to him being away. However, all these trips have occurred during the winter, which you would think wouldn’t make a difference, but they really do.
During the winter everyone sticks to their little warm apartments and minds their own business. I cuddle on the couch surrounding myself with blankets and pillows and fuzzy things that make me feel safe. I go to sleep and do much the same, snuggle with the blankets and pillows and pretend that Chad is there.
During the summer everyone is out and about. It’s too hot to do anything so I basically waste away on the couch with the fan pointed at my face. It’s too hot to sleep and the presence of Chad NOT being there is much more noticeable. The windows are wide open to let what little fresh air is out there, in, and it leaves me feeling vulnerable and scared really (you know because the barrier of glass and blinds protects me from everything ahaha). Especially when you begin to hear two people getting into a ridiculous fight but you can’t do anything about it.
That is what happened last night.
It didn’t help that I wasn’t feeling good to begin with and the apartment was a sauna, even with the fan on. I attempted to cool down as much as possible and finally decided to head out to the deck to see if it was any better. It was at that point I heard someone yelling. I didn’t want to poke my head around too much, in case it was someone in the lane or someone who could see me, but I quickly realized it was someone from our building. From the apartment below us and one over, profanities were fly from a male voice and clearly being hurled at a woman. I quickly realized who it was who lived in this apartment and became very frightened. Then man who lives there is a bit of a hard ass and every time I see him I go the other way. Chad has the ability to deal with him but frankly he scares the shit out of me.
I wasn’t sure of the severity of the fight as I could only hear a few words from the man every so often, but what I heard was not nice. I assumed something had happened with his wife, she had cheated on him or was leaving him. He was calling her all kinds of names and was egging her on to phone the police. I secretly wished that she would so the fighting would stop. Oddly enough, he didn’t sound violent, it was almost as if he was trying to be really loud to prove a point. None the less it really scared me.
I immediately phoned Chad. What my biggest fear was that because Chad is the head of Strata, someone, possibly even the wife of this man, was going to call him about this fight and ask him to do something about it. But then he wouldn’t be there and I would have to do it. Plus, being home alone, and hearing all of this going on was not at all comforting. It basically paralyzed me. I had to do the laundry but I was too scared to leave the apartment just to go into the hallway.
I realized I was probably over reacting, but not having Chad there made me feel so helpless.
The fighting eventually stopped and Chad called me back and told me not to worry about it, nothing was going to happen that involved me. I calmed down and ventured out to do the laundry.
An hour later the fighting started again. I did my best to turn the TV up so I wouldn’t hear that it was going on and I could forget about it. Then the phone rang. I nearly jumped out of my seat. It was only my Mom, thank God.
Again it stopped and I went about my business. Then just before bed it started again. I was getting changed when I heard a knock on my door. I contemplated ignoring it but when I heard 17 more knocks I knew I couldn’t. I quickly grabbed some clothing and went for the door. I was literally shaking in fear (over reaction much?). I opened the door and it was just the young Asian couple from the first floor who were looking for Chad because they had questions about the renovations they were doing this week. Unfortunately I didn’t have much information to give them but I told them what I could and tried to give them names of people who could help. I was still shaking so much I was mumbling like an idiot. They must have thought I was so weird.
I tried to calm down as much as possible and attempted to fall asleep, but it was by far the hottest night I’ve ever spent in the apartment. The fan didn’t do anything. I felt so sick and hot and worried that my sleep was a disaster. This morning I didn’t feel any better and knew that I could not do this again. I phoned my mom who informed me that me old room was nice and cool and available if I wanted to bunk their tonight. I’m pretty sure I am going to take her up on her offer.
I am not ashamed to admit it. I seem to fall apart when Chad isn’t around. Especially when people around me are loosing their minds and I have no one to comfort me.
The heat + feeling sick + crazies in the apartment = Danielle severely missing her Husband.
This is why I need a man.
