Last Tuesday I went to the Cancer Clinic to get my second shot of Thyrogen and then over to VGH to get a very small dose of Radioactive Iodine. The dose they gave me was only enough so that the iodine would attach itself to any Cancerous cells in and around my neck so that they would show up in a scan.

That night I got all my stuff together, which wasn’t very much because I couldn’t bring very much, and prepared for my 3 days in isolation. Ugh, I  was not looking forward to it.

I was nervous about the whole experience, not really sure why, but I guess it was all a fear of the unknown.

We got there Wednesday morning and I went for a few scans and then met with the doctor who basically went over the few things I already knew. Then Chad and I went upstairs, had some breakfast at the cafe and then was admitted to the hospital.

We went up to my room, which was on the 15th floor, which is also the Leukemia floor, and were brought to this room off in the corner locked away from everything. There were two rooms in this section of the floor that were sectioned off with big doors and both the rooms and the hallway were lead lined.  I guess this is where they stick everyone who is radioactive.

There was also something very eerie about being in the Leukemia Ward.

While waiting for the nurse to come back and give me my hospital PJ’s and whatever stuff I would need, we started to read all the ‘rules’ that were listed on the bulletin board in the room. There was a list of food that I was apparently allowed to eat and another list that I wasn’t allowed to eat. No one had informed me that I would be on a restricted diet, other then the fact that I couldn’t bring stuff with Iodine in it (which did not clue me in to the fact that SALT contains Iodine, but anyways). As I read on I realized that every single thing I had brought as a snack I was not allowed to eat. Great!

Finally the nurse came back, I put on my PJ’s (which made me look like a convicted prisoner) and was told I would have to wait probably an hour before the technician would come up with the radioactive iodine. At that point Chad kissed me good bye and went off to work since he really couldn’t stay any longer and I was fine waiting in the room watching TV.

By 12 I was getting pretty hungry but wasn’t allowed to eat anything until an hour after drinking the iodine. Finally at 1:30 the technician came and I drank the stuff. It was very odd having a lady come in wearing all this protective gear, carrying a giant metal case with all this special stuff surrounding the tiny vial of radioactive iodine and then I, having no protection, had to consume it. She had me drink it with a straw and then down it with water. It didn’t really taste like anything. Then she measured the amount of radioactive stuff coming off of me, and bid me farewell.

All the handles in the room and most of the surfaces were covered in plastic and protective sheets. They said it made it easier for clean up after I was gone. I had to flush the toilet twice every time I went and I had to have a shower every morning. I had to drink lot of fluids and I was only allowed to have people come visit me for a short period of time while standing at the doorway. Certain things had to be thrown into one bucket, and other garbage in another. It was all very bizarre.

Finally 3pm came and I could eat something. By this point I was starving and had a headache from the whole thing. I grabbed the tray of food that they brought up for me and almost puked. The food smelled so bad and it had no flavour. Chicken with no salt and no seasoning, steamed broccoli with nothing on it and a bed of ghetto rice. It was cold andso gross. Unfortunately, I had to eat. I was dying and it was all that I had. I ate the smallest amount possible and then chucked it. I just could not eat it.

The food was the worst part of the whole experience. Every meal ended up being the same thing and it made me so unbelievably depressed. I couldn’t handle the food so I just didn’t eat. I basically starved myself and survived on the bag of Starburst that Claudia bought me. Every time they brought me my tray of food I cried. How could someone so obsessed with good food live on this crap? I went into survival mode and figured if I didn’t move then I wouldn’t need energy, and if I didn’t need energy then I wouldn’t be hungry, and if I wasn’t hungry I wouldn’t have to eat the crappy food. I know that sounds nuts but it was the only sane thing I could do.

At least breakfast consisted of toast and fruit. That I could eat.

There was a phone in my room, but of course it didn’t work.  I tried calling Chad and my Mom all of Wednesday but the calls would not go through. I was getting so unbelievably frustrating. I had a direct number so people could reach me, but of course Chad didn’t write it down because he figured I would just call him. I knew that he was freaking out because I wasn’t calling but there was nothing I could do. Luckily my Mom stopped by Thursday morning to bring me cookies so I told her about the phone and passed the number onto Chad. It felt so nice to finally talk to someone.

The nurses on the 15th floor were nice. They couldn’t really do anything for me because they weren’t allowed in the room, but they would come by everyone once in a while and wave through the door window to see if I was OK. It was nice to see someone since my wing was pretty much abandoned.

The view was beautiful, but it was hard to enjoy, all alone up there. I tried to stay positive for the most part. I mean I wasn’t in pain or anything so I really didn’t have it ALL that bad. What got me down the most was just how frustrated I was with everything.

Frustrated with the food, and the phone. Frustrated that I wasn’t told I would be put on a weird diet. Frustrated that I wasn’t prepared as I thought I should have been for the whole thing. And Frustrated that the damn nurses would not turn off the lights in the hallway at night so I could sleep.

All I wanted to do was go home. Naturally.

Finally Thursday afternoon came and the doctor came in to measure how radioactive I was. Thankfully I was already low enough that he said I could actually go home Friday morning as long as I stayed away from people. WooHoo!

I waited all night for Chads call to tell him what time to pick  me up but nothing. At about 9:30 the nurse came to my door and said my husband was on the phone saying he had been trying to call me since 6pm but couldn’t get through. Low and behold the phone had some how partially fallen out of the jack so it wasn’t even hooked up. I don’t know how the hell that happened. UGH Frustrating!!! Finally he got through and said he would be there at 9am to pick me up.

Sleeping in a hospital bed with weird smells and bright lights all around you is not the most comfortable thing in the world and by 8am the next morning, when I had to get up, I was exhausted. I quickly jumped in the shower to scrub myself off before Chad came, but quickly realized that wasn’t a good idea.

Oh sensitive body.

Due to the fact that I has basically eaten nothing for 2 days, I was quite weak, which isn’t evident when laying down, but becomes very evident when violently scrubbing ones self in the shower. Fainting was evident. Luckily, this has happened many time before, due to the fact I hardly eat in the mornings, so I knew the signs.  I tried to rinse myself off as fast as I could so I could go lay down on the bed with some food, but the water pressure in the hospital shower was that of misting rain. Shit. This wasn’t going to happen. I turned off the shower, grabbed a towel and then saw spots. Shit. To the floor I went.

Once I hit the ground I was good.  The nice cool floor always makes me feel better but I knew I couldn’t just lay there and wait for someone to find me. Plus, this had happened before and I knew what to do. I just had to dress myself, grab the muffin I wasn’t suppose to eat and lay on the bed while consuming said muffin to satisfy the body. This took some maneuvering and a second fainting spell but I made it. Thank God I made it.

I didn’t tell anyone I fainted, other then Chad. It didn’t matter anyways. Actually, it probably did matter but I didn’t care. I wanted OUT. I knew I would be fine.

Finally I got home but I still felt very faint and sick. Ick. Friday was not a good day. I started to feel the side effects of the iodine which was a sore throat, swollen glands, and a very swollen neck. Felt like someone was choking me.

I basically spent the rest of the weekend in isolation at my parents house. I’ve never watched so much TV in my life. The one thing that was basically driving me nuts was that I couldn’t spend any time with Chad, and for someone who is in his face tickling him 24/7, it was very difficult.

Tomorrow I go back for another body scan. This one is suppose to take an hour. I guess it’s to see how much stuff is left in my body. I’m sure everything will be fine.

At least I am back to sleeping in my own bed!

Well I’m back at work today. Have another pile of papers sitting on my desk which I will have to go through today. I love being this busy at work, it just doesn’t give me a lot of time for my online life, but I guess that’s the way it should be, right?

So I am alive. I’ve got a few pictures and stories to tell from the past few days. While the whole procedure wasn’t painful or had many side effects I still don’t feel 100%. My body is sensitive and when my surroundings and daily life changes it takes a while for my body to get back to normal again. Today I feel particularly gross but I hope it will pass. My eating patterns have taken a bad beating.

I got home from the Hospital Friday morning, but because I had to stay away from people I spent a lot of time tucked away in a corner at my parents house, which means I haven’t spent a lot of time at home, and that always begins to stress me out just because of the neglect of house stuff.

I have never wanted things to go back to ‘normal’ so bad in my entire life. The past week has totally screwed me up mentally and emotionally.

More medical stuff to do this week and then in the middle of October. And then maybe, just MAYBE, I might be done with it all, other then my monthly blood tests.

It really stresses me out having to miss so much work for all of this.

Anyways, I’m trying to get my act together here.

All right I’m off.

I hear there is a TV and a great view.

There better be.

Even though all I have to do is sit in a room and amuse myself for three days, I’m still nervous about it.

Lets just getter DONE.

So I had appointment ONE of 5 billion today. I of course had nightmares last night about what the whole week would involve, basically because I really didn’t know what to expect, I just knew where I had to be.

This mornings appointment involved a simple shot, right in the ass.

I got there at 9, and got my info. I had to go up to the 6th floor of the Cancer Clinic (which also happens to be the scary chemotherapy floor in the Cancer Clinic) to pick up my prescription for the shot and then bring it back down for the nurse to administer. A little odd I thought since the nurse could have just gotten the shot, explained everything to me and then that would be it, but oh well.

The shot is used to investigate the status of my Thyroid Cancer. Technically, I shouldn’t have any, but there might be a few cells floating around (hence the need for radio-iodine treatment). The side affects of this is that I’m suppose to feel like I have the flu, so my muscles will ache, and I will get a fever, and chills, and the like, though the nurse said people hardly feel the side effects.

So I bring the stuff down from the 6th floor and give it to the nurse (who I swear was my age) to mix up. She then informed me that the shot needs to be administered into a muscle and that the muscle which will be chosen is my butt. Hahaha. I laughed.

I have never had anything poke me in the ass (yes you sick minds, I said poke me in the ass) so I was a little awkward with the whole procedure. I asked Chad to leave the room because I thought it was going to be really awkward, but she basically just moved my pants down a little and shot me around hip level. She informed me I would get shot in the right cheek today and the left cheek tomorrow. She was quite funny about it all.

Then she asked me if I wanted a band aid, sure, why not. Hahahaha, then she said “I get a lot of men who come in here with very hairy bums and they always freak out when I put the band aid on, so now I make sure to ask everyone. Your bums not hairy so you’ll be fine!” HAHAHAHA! Omg I laughed so hard. Greatest nurse ever. Haha Hairy Bums.

So that wasn’t too bad. Makes me feel more prepared for tomorrow, though I am making my Zia Maria come with me because both Mom and Chad are working and can’t take me tomorrow and I need someone to hold my hand through everything, so Zia volunteered to do so. Thank God too, since I have to go to Vancouver General Hospital as well and have no idea where I am going.

Once I got back to work I figured that I would finally put to rest this ‘What the hell am I allowed to bring to the Hospital’ business, since no one has said anything to me about it. I called the Nuclear Medicine wing of VGH to see if they knew what the hell was going on and instead of being helpful they just seemed annoyed with me because the Cancer Clinic was suppose to inform me on everything but failed to do so.

The lady who answered my call seemed to be confused by what I was asking. “I”m coming into VGH as an in patient for 3 days as I am having radio-iodine treatment. I was wondering what I was allowed to bring with me and what I am not allowed to bring with me”. Simple friggin question if you ask me.

My main concern was that since I was going to be in complete isolation, anything that I did bring with me would probably be affected with radioactive stuff, and therefore would probably have to be chucked once I left. But at the same time, since I had the option of having the treatment and staying at home, I wondered just how bad it would actually be. Well, the answer is bad.

Everything that I bring with me on Wednesday has to be disposable. This means I will have to wear a gown for 3 days, have to throw out my toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, comb, and anything I touch. I can only bring magazines and newspapers and whatever food or candy I bring either gets left there or thrown out. WOOHOO! That means no communication with the outside world, no iPod, no laptop, no anything fun. I can’t even read a book I want to keep forever, or keep a notebook or anything. I swear if there is no TV in the room I am going to go MENTAL! Damn you body for excreting radio active crap!!!

Le sigh. Oh well, what can you do.

It will be nice when this week is OVA!

I had the weirdest sensation last night while making dinner. The smell of potatoes roasting in the oven and the sound of rain pouring on the windows made me flash back to last Fall and how in love with it I was. I got a burst of energy and began to think about all the events and things there was to attend this Fall. I became inspired and energetic and started planning things out in my head. It was almost like the over negative funk I had been in all Summer long had magically disappeared.

This passed Summer carried a lot of negative feelings, and most of these feelings had to do with people. Friendships and relationships dissolved. People moved away. Everything changed. It was truly a lot for me to handle, on top of what was already going on in my life. I wanted to hide from everyone. I didn’t want to trust people anymore. I figured that the only person who couldn’t ‘hurt’ me was me so that was the only person I was going to hang out with. I know it all looks like an over reaction, and it probably was, but the only way I felt I could deal with all the negative that was going on was to run and hide (hence the split decision to delete Twitter). And that just makes for a very lonely time.

What opened my eyes was actually the whole situation with Claudia and the airport. We talked a bit about the whole thing and what she went through and how she felt and though I didn’t have to go through the same thing, a lot of the feelings she mentioned I related to. Watching what she went through, hearing about the things she felt and realized, and then seeing her take that negative and turn it into a positive was inspiring. It turned on a light bulb in my head. I think in a lot of ways we are the same.

When I was making dinner, and I was thinking about last fall, three events came to mind. The Parade of the Lost Souls, The Twigg & Hottie Fashion Show, and the annual Trevisani Banquet. I remember just how much fun all three of them were and how other then the Banquet, they weren’t event I would have normally attended, but the opportunity presented itself and I took it. So what does this teach me? Turning down every single gathering so you can ‘stay home for some alone time’ just makes for a very boring life. And while that seems very obvious, there was a part of me who just didn’t care and was to ‘scared’ to put myself out there. Plus, I need the time to truly come to that realization myself.

I think a Summer of hiding was what I needed, but now, I don’t think I need to hide anymore. There will always be times when I need some ‘alone time’ and there will always be times when I get into a funk because things didn’t turn out the way I was hoping, but for some reason now, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the fun in life again.

It’s kind of funny that the cold deary rain-i-ness of Fall excites me more then the hot beautiful days of Summer, but I guess thats just me. I guess I’m funny like that.

Looking at the calendar for the next 3 months and looking at the events I have already penciled it, I can already tell that the old Danielle is coming back, and it feels good.

I have technically been working for 11 days straight.

That’s just weird to think about.

It doesn’t feel like it at all.

• Measuring samples from China is probably my least favorite job.
• I look cute today.
• Everything I was just thinking about left my brain.
• One thing that drives me nuts is people who have to swear in every single sentence.
• I refer to everyone who is sensible as being cultured.
• I actually packed a lunch today and it was good.
• Alicia and Claudia are off doing a TV spot.
• I can not stop thinking about sushi at Koi.
• The new purchasing rules in the warehouse are definitely going to detour me from buying as much as I use to.
• If Chad bought me a Blackberry I might actually start Twittering again.
• I no longer chat online during work hours.
• I will be radioactive in one week.
• The girl beside me on the plane ride home was reading ‘Pride & Prejudice & Zombies’. I now must find this book.
• I don’t know why I bother getting my nails painted professionally. They always chip sooner then when I do them myself.
• There are over 45 fabrics on order for Spring so far.
• I was told that the men working on our roof are all ‘bums and criminals’.
• I spent $50 on a book about Grey Gardens.
• Time for Lemon Yogurt and Raspberries.