I had the weirdest sensation last night while making dinner. The smell of potatoes roasting in the oven and the sound of rain pouring on the windows made me flash back to last Fall and how in love with it I was. I got a burst of energy and began to think about all the events and things there was to attend this Fall. I became inspired and energetic and started planning things out in my head. It was almost like the over negative funk I had been in all Summer long had magically disappeared.
This passed Summer carried a lot of negative feelings, and most of these feelings had to do with people. Friendships and relationships dissolved. People moved away. Everything changed. It was truly a lot for me to handle, on top of what was already going on in my life. I wanted to hide from everyone. I didn’t want to trust people anymore. I figured that the only person who couldn’t ‘hurt’ me was me so that was the only person I was going to hang out with. I know it all looks like an over reaction, and it probably was, but the only way I felt I could deal with all the negative that was going on was to run and hide (hence the split decision to delete Twitter). And that just makes for a very lonely time.
What opened my eyes was actually the whole situation with Claudia and the airport. We talked a bit about the whole thing and what she went through and how she felt and though I didn’t have to go through the same thing, a lot of the feelings she mentioned I related to. Watching what she went through, hearing about the things she felt and realized, and then seeing her take that negative and turn it into a positive was inspiring. It turned on a light bulb in my head. I think in a lot of ways we are the same.
When I was making dinner, and I was thinking about last fall, three events came to mind. The Parade of the Lost Souls, The Twigg & Hottie Fashion Show, and the annual Trevisani Banquet. I remember just how much fun all three of them were and how other then the Banquet, they weren’t event I would have normally attended, but the opportunity presented itself and I took it. So what does this teach me? Turning down every single gathering so you can ‘stay home for some alone time’ just makes for a very boring life. And while that seems very obvious, there was a part of me who just didn’t care and was to ‘scared’ to put myself out there. Plus, I need the time to truly come to that realization myself.
I think a Summer of hiding was what I needed, but now, I don’t think I need to hide anymore. There will always be times when I need some ‘alone time’ and there will always be times when I get into a funk because things didn’t turn out the way I was hoping, but for some reason now, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the fun in life again.
It’s kind of funny that the cold deary rain-i-ness of Fall excites me more then the hot beautiful days of Summer, but I guess thats just me. I guess I’m funny like that.
Looking at the calendar for the next 3 months and looking at the events I have already penciled it, I can already tell that the old Danielle is coming back, and it feels good.
on September 17th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Great post, this hit home for me, I know you have gone through things but your attitude towards the new season is inspiring. I feel like my Summer was the up and the autumn was the down and I hide. Not a fun feeling.
Best part about autumn is there will be cold rainy days to snuggle and stay home and it’s perfect.
on September 18th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
we will have more than 3 fun nights this fall…I guarantee!
we’re still going to BC fashion week right? I can pre-order our tickets I think!
on September 18th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Glad you’re feeling better. You’ve been hit with alot this past year. This year will be awesome for you. :)
on September 18th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
You’ve gone through so much… You’ve been so amazing through it all and i’m glad to see you’re feeling like yourself again. xoxo
on September 18th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Oh, I can so relate to this post. I have a tendency to do the same hiding thing. I’m glad you’re feeling better about things now… maybe if we both hide a little less, we’ll get to see each other more! That would be fun!
I’m very much looking forward to the fall as well. It’s definitely my favourite time of year!
on September 18th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
great post and very relatable. i hope your fall is wonderful and inspiring.
on September 19th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
I can definitely relate, I tend to go through phases where I’m almost anti-social (especially in the Winter, -40 weather isn’t exactly inspiring) but it always feels good to look at a calendar and see lots of fun events planned.