Finally the server is back up and running and I can post!
I thought for this mornings post I would discuss something that drives me insane, the Potluck.
Now as an Italian Housewife we are known for our hosting and hospitality. When you come over to our house for dinner it is an insult to us if you help us in the kitchen or clear the table, only because we take pride in doing everything that is concerned with hosting a dinner ourselves. You are our guests and there is no need for you to do any of the work! We enjoy making all of the courses and all of the food and serving them to you almost as if you are in a restaurant. The thought of you bringing your own food is appalling. Here in lies our hatred for the potluck.
This hatred I have for potlucks most likely stems from my Mothers hatred of the potluck. Her mentality is, why should you have to prepare all this food for your family, only to pack it up and take it somewhere else, when you could just sit and home and eat it like normal people, with less hassle and less mess. This I totally agree with.
Now there are only a few circumstances where I feel a potluck is an OK idea.
- When you get a group of friends together and say HEY! lets have a picnic and BBQ some stuff and bring some chips and dip. – Simple enough, enjoyable, and the potluck is mentioned upfront.
- When you and your friends decided that you would like to do a dinner party with a theme, say Greek Food, and you split up the menu so everything bring something Greek, that way you can try lots of different things. – Organize between friends and everyone knows what they need to do.
- When you and your friends or family decided to do a holiday dinner together and everyone is told what they can bring and the work is shared. – Leaves the guessing game out of it and it is organized together.
These three example are situation in which I have NO problem participating in a potluck, mainly because the idea of the potluck is the reason for the get together, it is simple, organized, and everyone is told what to bring upfront. These are the only reasons I would not be in a rage about a potluck.
But here is why I hate potlucks.
This situation seems to happen over and over again to me and I can not stand it.
You are invited over to someones house for dinner or a party or something and they give you all the info. This date, this time, yadda, yadda. So you say Hey! I would LOVE to come over to your house for a Birthday party! Sounds great! Then, you get an email the week before the party that says, Oh Hey, forgot to tell you that the party is a potluck, so you have to bring something.
Insert Rage.
Here is why…
- If you are going to have a potluck make it UPFRONT so that people aren’t scrambling at the last minute.
- Split the menu up and TELL people what to bring, otherwise you end up with 10 appys, 2 salads, and no main dishes.
- I actually find it insulting that you are throwing a birthday party for yourself and are asking all your guests to supply the food. Never in my life would I EXPECT my guests to bring food. The only time guests bring food to my house is when we throw our annual Christmas party and I supply all the food, but some people like to bring a dish themselves to help out. I NEVER ask anyone to bring anything.
The bottom line is, if you want to have a potluck, make that the reason for the gathering. ‘Thanksgiving Potluck’ or ‘Picnic Potluck in the Park’. Don’t invite people over to your house, where they expect that you are supplying food, hence you inviting people over to your house, and then spring it on them that they need to bring something. That is just rude and inconsiderate. Does it really take that much effort to buy a couple bags of chips, some dip, and some appys at Costco?
In the end, I think the idea of a Potluck is just a very ‘mangiacake‘ kind of thing. Italians would never dream of having their guests bring anything to their house or their party. It may work for some but it doesn’t not work for me. My culture would hate me for it.
on October 8th, 2009 at 9:05 am
I agree with everything you have just said. I always enjoy bringing something somewhere (Most often I bring something to your events because I just feel it’s one less thing that you have to make and it helps out.) I also just feel it’s polite (thats what my mother raised me to do, always bring something to give to the host of the party, whether it be a gift or food.) However when I do bring something I always coordinate it with you or with whoever is hosting to make sure that I don’t make the same thing as someone else or so that I can bring something that maybe you/they were not planning on making but it would be nice to have there. IE a dessert or something. I also make an offer to ask if they need help with anything, if it is refused once then I leave it be.
But I HATE, HATE when people invite you to something and then at last minute say “oh by the way can you bring something?” … It’s not that it’s a problem to bring something, it’s just the last minute nature of it and not knowing when you rsvp’d to the event. Maybe you don’t have time to make something because you’re going to be working all day or whatever else, then there’s all this pressure and obligation that you end up feeling. It just pisses me off.
I don’t think this is even a cultural thing necessarily, definitely Italians are very adamant about their guests being guests, but I think it just depends on the way you’re raised. I just feel it’s “good manners and proper etiquette.” There’s no Italian blood in me nor is either of my families cultured, but none-the-less “good hosting” was still taught to me.
on October 8th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Yea, I have no problem with someone offering to bring something when I have invited them over for dinner or a party, but I would never expect them to do so. It’s great to have offers, is another thing when you force them to bring something.
on October 8th, 2009 at 9:52 am
This works in reverse too, I hate when a guest just assumes to bring a dish and then you have to work it in to your serving plan just to avoid hurting their feelings.
on October 8th, 2009 at 10:12 am
blame the Haida….they started it! It was banned here at one time too. Guess there was an Italian in government ;)
on October 8th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I can understand at BBQs when you BYOB or BYOM. That can be expensive for the host.
But when it comes to brithday parties….my thinking is that all these people are probably going to buy you something for your birthday, so I think the least you could do is supply some appies. Otherwise you can meet at a pub to celebrate or something. Then everyone pays their own way.
on October 9th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Oh Elise, you are such a Socials Teacher hahaha I love it!
Smelly just do what I’m doing and ask your mom to make the dish for you and then pick it up on the way to the party…DUH!
on October 9th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Sorry I gotta laugh because this post sounded really snobby! However I do agree with it mostly. lol I LOVE potlucks because you get all sorts of yummy foods, but I agree only if it was planned in advance and you know from the very beginning. It is very rude to be invited somewhere and find out after it is potluck. it should be, “so we are having a potluck, care to come?”
Or the young people at my church often have all the youth over and say bring chips or pop because food for a 100 people for a casual hang out event is rather expensive and it happens every week but that is completely different. Somone is opening their home as a place to hang out. It’s not a hoity toity dinner.
My work does potlucks. I always love them. mm samosas
on October 19th, 2009 at 11:20 am
calling it a potluck IS the advanced notice therefore no freebie expectations.
on October 19th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Everytime I have been invited to a ‘potluck’ they call it a ‘Party’ and then tell me AFTER the fact that it is a potluck. If they called it a potluck from the beginning then I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
on October 21st, 2009 at 11:37 am
ok these people suck then haha