Saturday was spent getting down into the nitty gritty. 4 loads of laundry. Swept, vacuumed, and washed the floors. Cleaned every nook and cranny. Moved all the furniture to clean underneath everything. It was like running a marathon. I attempted to clean the furry carpet we have in the living area, but it is a little impossible. I combed it all out, like I was brushing fur, which got a lot of the crap out and made it so much softer, but the fur is too long that when I try to vacuum it gets all caught. I attempted to beat the rug but the set up I had was useless. I could tell that it needed a good beating though because the second I hung it crap started falling out of it. I’m going to have to bring it to the parentals one of these days when it stops raining, and get out my frustrations.

Sunday was a right off given the weather and the mood of the day. I sat in my PJs on the couch wrapped in a million blankets. Ugh, depressing. I did however, make the most amazing sausages in the world. I hate sausages, but it was the challenge I was given yesterday, so I found a recipe, added to it using my Italian genius, and walla, the most amazing sausages ever. It was so good I would actually consider making it the next time people come over, depending if they like sausages or not. That was a positive point to the day.

Today has not been the greatest of days. This weather doesn’t help either. I got to work to find an email request in my inbox, to which I replied to in the polite manner I always reply with explaining the situation, only to recieve a response back in the most condisending tone I have ever heard/read. Given my mood I burst into tears and was filled with rage. The reaction I was given was totally uncalled for. I just can’t believe people do business this why. Why would anyone want to work with you? But, I must repeat to myself the mantra that Claudia gave me ‘You can’t let them ruin something that you Love’. All I can hope for is Karma to works its way into this situation.

As an act of being positive today, maybe I will post the pictures from the banquet now that I have them all.

We saw him last night. He was barking at Chad.

He fell off my parents bed this morning and hurt himself badly.

Dad took him to the vet right away, but with his lacking heath and age there was nothing they could do.

Benji was put down.

:(

I am thrilled to be spending the weekend in my PJs doing ZERO.

Ok well maybe thats a partial lie. I lined up a free dinner and oil change at the parentals Saturday night but thats going to be relaxing, and on Sunday I might do a bit of Christmas shopping just to get it out of the way, but that will be one quick stop. The evenings will be free, and thats what really counts.

Considering we spent a months worth of money going out every single day for a week while Patz was here, it looks like the rest of the month is going to contain a lot of nights in, other then Alicia & Claudias birthday of course! And really, that is fine by me. Chad and I can get our movie watching on, considering we don’t watch movies ever and know nothing about anything, we can use this time to catch up.

I can’t wait to put my PJs on. This sweater is pissing me off. Ohh, I will get Chad to build a fire.

I’m on the Christmas bandwagon early this year and want to get a lot of the work out of the way ASAP. Especially if I will be spending the majority of the month at home I might as well use the time to get myself in order. I’ve already got my Christmas wishlist typed up and emailed out to people who wanted it. I’m going to pull a Ciavarro tomorrow and set up a spreadsheet with all the people I have to buy gifts for, what I am going to get them, and how much its going to cost. I also have to print out some pictures to go in our Christmas Cards this year, not to mention actually going out and buying the Christmas cards. I should probably figure out who I am going to send them to this year and not do that last minute like last year. Ohh, I should also plan the menu to the balls party.

See, already there is so much to do.

 
Photo by Patz.

I should probably preface this by saying Tuesday was a bad day. I was in a bad mood all day. Mostly because I wanted to get the day over with and mostly because work was sucking.

Honestly, I was not looking forward to the Matt Good show. I basically wrote him off a few years ago. I still enjoy his music, everything before Hospital Music, but as far as reading his blog and following him on facebook and such, it is no longer my thing.

I don’t really know what it is. I’ve tried to explain it to people so many times but I still can’t figure myself out. His music helped me though a very hard time in my life, probably the hardest year – year and a half I’ve ever lived through. Every song was connection to a time or a place or a person, therefore his music is very emotional for me. I think the time in which everything changed was when he went through his divorce. Oddly enough it coincided with my life changing and out of it we became two different people. I know that sounds very weird, like we were friends or something that went through live altering moments together and then grew apart, but in a way, that’s what happened with his music. At the same time, during that time of my life, I kept putting people on pedestals and looked at them as something more amazing then they really were. And from there, they fell, and this imaginary dream that I had became reality and I didn’t like it. I’m sure there is much more emotion involved in it all, and I know a lot of it is in my head, and I am just mental, but for some reason that’s just how I feel. This is why I call myself a ‘Pre-Divorce Fan’. I liked the idea of him and his cute little family with his cute little dogs and I liked when Jenny would write about her day and what the puppies were doing and how Matt was. I think it made me feel like I knew him that much more. Like there was a personal level to the songs I loved. It was something I could escape to when I didn’t want to face my own reality. I know that all of it was smoke and mirrors, but it was nice to imagine.

Marlee and Pat came over for dinner and then we headed to the concert. We got there and I was just annoyed. Like I said, I did not want to be there. I was in such a bad mood and I really don’t even know why, I just wanted to be anywhere other then there. Clearly I have issues that can only be resolved through a therapist. Chad was actually quite concerned because he had never seen me react like this before. I basically said to myself that I was going into this in a bad mood with a cold heart and the only thing that could save me was a good performance.

The first song in and I just fell apart. I started to cry and I couldn’t stop. I think Chad thought that I was really upset because I didn’t want to be there so badly that all I could do was cry, but that wasn’t it. His voice, his songs, seeing him there took me back. It took me back to that time in my life when I didn’t know what to do with myself and his music was there to save me. Whatever negative feelings I had left me. I think that’swhat it is all about. The way his music makes me feel and the things it reminds me of in my life. I think that’s why I didn’t want to go to the concert. I didn’t want to feel all those things I knew I would feel as soon as I saw him and heard him.

The songs were good and they put me in the right frame of mind. It was like I was 21 again laying on the floor of my bedroom listening to his songs super loud.

The only part that sucked was the in between song commentary. He even made a comment that said ‘it must fuck with your brain to be sitting here listening to serious songs and then have us joke around inbetween’. Yea, you hit the nail on the head. It was a little frustrating sitting there for 15 minutes listening to him go on and on about some political crap that I know nothing about or care about. I mean I guess that is classic Matt Good, but that’s why you have a blog, and that’s why I don’t read your blog. And of course this commentary just prompted all the losers in the crowd to constantly shout things back. I’m sorry, but 90% of Matt Good fans are annoying. I talked to 10 people who were at the concert and they all said the same thing. It is friggin rude to sit there and just yell shit and the songs you want him to play constantly. I was going out of my mind and it actually ruined a lot of the show for me. I just couldn’t handle it. The fact of the matter is I bought a ticket so that I could come listen to your music, not your political views, and not a bunch of dumb-asses yelling at you to play the Vancouver Theme song. But maybe that is just me and maybe I am just a bitch. I don’t know. As I said, I was in a weird frame of mind.

I loved the songs though. I will say it again and again.

I know this whole post may sound weird. It’s just all very personal for me. I’ve wanted to talk about it this for a while, but its weird to have strange negative feelings for someone so many people love. The reality is that he is an amazing artist and there is this added bonus in that he is so accessible though the Internet. For me, it allowed me to have a more ‘personal’ relationship with him then with any other artist out there. Therefore, his music has a more personal meaning for me. Its not just some song I hear on the radio that I love. Its a song that reminds me of a different time, a different place. The concert definitely brought me back to 2005.

I think we have all finally hit the wall. Well, everyone except Dario who is exceptionally resilient these days. To put it into perspective, on Tuesday night he was social, stayed at the bar later then all of us, and was chipper then Chad last night at dinner. This has never happened before.

Pat went home yesterday. Now we all go back to being sad.

Krista surprise visited us again on Tuesday which was nice.

Last night at dinner Chad contracted a fever and we had to leave early. He went to bed at 7 and is still there now. I will not let him get me sick.

I was so exhausted yesterday. I tried to clean a few things up but figured my rest was more important. This means that the apartment has undergone 2 big dinners, 2 people sleeping on the couch, countless showers, countless gatherings, countless dishes, and has not been cleaned in two weeks. You do the math. I tried to clean small things here and there as I go, but there has seriously been no time. Haha, what crazy week we have had.

I am not prepared for the things work will throw at me today. If I get through this day just sitting here plugging away, minding my own business I will be happy.

I have never wanted the weekend to come quickly so bad in my entire life.