Photo by Patz.

I should probably preface this by saying Tuesday was a bad day. I was in a bad mood all day. Mostly because I wanted to get the day over with and mostly because work was sucking.

Honestly, I was not looking forward to the Matt Good show. I basically wrote him off a few years ago. I still enjoy his music, everything before Hospital Music, but as far as reading his blog and following him on facebook and such, it is no longer my thing.

I don’t really know what it is. I’ve tried to explain it to people so many times but I still can’t figure myself out. His music helped me though a very hard time in my life, probably the hardest year – year and a half I’ve ever lived through. Every song was connection to a time or a place or a person, therefore his music is very emotional for me. I think the time in which everything changed was when he went through his divorce. Oddly enough it coincided with my life changing and out of it we became two different people. I know that sounds very weird, like we were friends or something that went through live altering moments together and then grew apart, but in a way, that’s what happened with his music. At the same time, during that time of my life, I kept putting people on pedestals and looked at them as something more amazing then they really were. And from there, they fell, and this imaginary dream that I had became reality and I didn’t like it. I’m sure there is much more emotion involved in it all, and I know a lot of it is in my head, and I am just mental, but for some reason that’s just how I feel. This is why I call myself a ‘Pre-Divorce Fan’. I liked the idea of him and his cute little family with his cute little dogs and I liked when Jenny would write about her day and what the puppies were doing and how Matt was. I think it made me feel like I knew him that much more. Like there was a personal level to the songs I loved. It was something I could escape to when I didn’t want to face my own reality. I know that all of it was smoke and mirrors, but it was nice to imagine.

Marlee and Pat came over for dinner and then we headed to the concert. We got there and I was just annoyed. Like I said, I did not want to be there. I was in such a bad mood and I really don’t even know why, I just wanted to be anywhere other then there. Clearly I have issues that can only be resolved through a therapist. Chad was actually quite concerned because he had never seen me react like this before. I basically said to myself that I was going into this in a bad mood with a cold heart and the only thing that could save me was a good performance.

The first song in and I just fell apart. I started to cry and I couldn’t stop. I think Chad thought that I was really upset because I didn’t want to be there so badly that all I could do was cry, but that wasn’t it. His voice, his songs, seeing him there took me back. It took me back to that time in my life when I didn’t know what to do with myself and his music was there to save me. Whatever negative feelings I had left me. I think that’swhat it is all about. The way his music makes me feel and the things it reminds me of in my life. I think that’s why I didn’t want to go to the concert. I didn’t want to feel all those things I knew I would feel as soon as I saw him and heard him.

The songs were good and they put me in the right frame of mind. It was like I was 21 again laying on the floor of my bedroom listening to his songs super loud.

The only part that sucked was the in between song commentary. He even made a comment that said ‘it must fuck with your brain to be sitting here listening to serious songs and then have us joke around inbetween’. Yea, you hit the nail on the head. It was a little frustrating sitting there for 15 minutes listening to him go on and on about some political crap that I know nothing about or care about. I mean I guess that is classic Matt Good, but that’s why you have a blog, and that’s why I don’t read your blog. And of course this commentary just prompted all the losers in the crowd to constantly shout things back. I’m sorry, but 90% of Matt Good fans are annoying. I talked to 10 people who were at the concert and they all said the same thing. It is friggin rude to sit there and just yell shit and the songs you want him to play constantly. I was going out of my mind and it actually ruined a lot of the show for me. I just couldn’t handle it. The fact of the matter is I bought a ticket so that I could come listen to your music, not your political views, and not a bunch of dumb-asses yelling at you to play the Vancouver Theme song. But maybe that is just me and maybe I am just a bitch. I don’t know. As I said, I was in a weird frame of mind.

I loved the songs though. I will say it again and again.

I know this whole post may sound weird. It’s just all very personal for me. I’ve wanted to talk about it this for a while, but its weird to have strange negative feelings for someone so many people love. The reality is that he is an amazing artist and there is this added bonus in that he is so accessible though the Internet. For me, it allowed me to have a more ‘personal’ relationship with him then with any other artist out there. Therefore, his music has a more personal meaning for me. Its not just some song I hear on the radio that I love. Its a song that reminds me of a different time, a different place. The concert definitely brought me back to 2005.