So today is about 100 times less stressful then yesterday was. Yesterday I had to go back into the Cancer Clinic.

After my Radioactive therapy last October, the scan of cancer/thyroid left in my body did not match up with the results of the blood test, so they didn’t know what was going on. They sent me home with the information that I would have to go for more blood tests and then in March, a whole 5 months away, I would get the results of everything and would find out if I had to be Radioactive again.

While the whole Radioactive therapy thing wasn’t painful, it was kind of mentally traumatic, and the thought of having to do it again freaked me out every time I thought about it. I had been so strong through out the whole year, but the thought of being isolated again sent me into panic mode.

So I went for all my blood tests and lived the past 5 months thinking March was a month that didn’t existed. I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to face reality, I just wanted to pretend like nothing was going on.

Then March came. Yesterday came.

I tried to think positively about everything, and even though at my last Family Doctor visit, he said my Thyroid Levels looked good I wasn’t about to count my chickens before they were hatched.

Every time I have gone into a doctors office, by myself, thinking it was no big deal and nothing bad was going to come out of it I’ve been handed a bombshell. This has now shattered my faith of hearing good news.

I was in stomach panic mode all day yesterday. I could only function doing mindless tasking because my brain was too consumed with worry to do any other thinking. The closer it got to 3:00 the more I felt like I was going to puke. Of course I internalised it all and didn’t tell anyone other then Chad. But I know my body. When I worry more then I need to everything comes out ok. I can’t stop myself from worrying; it’s physically and mentally impossible until I face whatever it is I’m suppose to face, then everything goes back to normal. It’s been like this for 1000 years.

So we got to the Cancer Clinic early and sat in the waiting room. Suddenly the thought of my fate hit me as I saw a young woman walk in with no hair. Of course my condition is not that extreme, but it still freaked the crap out of me as to what could have happened. I was totally consumed by feelings of dread.

It didn’t help that they were running late and I didn’t get to see the doctor until 3:30! Sweet Jesus make me suffer.

Everything came back normal.

Praise SHAZZIB!

I have to up my Thyroid pills from 88mg to 100mg, but that’s no big deal.

Because Chad and I are looking to have babies in the next year, he wanted to make sure that everything was 100% OK, so I have to go in for one more scan.

I have to do the same thing as last time. Shot in the Bum on Monday, Shot in the Bum on Tuesday, Scan Wednesday. Then, maybe, just maybe, I will FINALLY get the all clear and just have to go back for check ups.

This is the never ending Thyroid Journey. Every time I think I am SOOO close to it being over, something else comes up. I hope this will finally be the end, for now.