We had two Thanksgiving dinners on the weekend.
I find that the older I get the more overwhelmed I feel at family dinners. And by family dinners I mean anything with more than 6 people. If there are too many people in one room then all I want to do is run and hide where it is quite and calm. Except it is frowned upon for an adult to run and hide during a dinner / party. I know, I’ve done it twice.
This is sort of weird considering I have a very large extended family and large family gatherings are the norm. I guess the difference is, I used to be a kid, and kids only really have to eat dinner at the table and then they can run away and play where it isn’t so noisy and crazy. I am no longer a kid so I can no longer run away after dinner and play somewhere that isn’t noisy and crazy.
Too many people. Too much noise. Too many people. Too much noise.
It’s like I’m a scared dog and just want to run to my crate where is it safe.
I don’t know where this all came from, but I am already starting to have anxiety over Christmas and the number of dinners and large gatherings we will most likely be attending.
Maybe it’s because we are not settled yet, and things are still crazy and all over the place, so my mind doesn’t have a secure place to hold on to, because everything is temporary and in transition.
I just don’t know whats going on with my brain.