she always used to say life's a dirty business so just be a prick and do it while the world's awake

so...smelly - like her other italian counterpart - will be unemployed as soon as she gets back from her australian vacation...

i was waiting for the day when this would all blow up and i wouldn't be able to take it any more and finally throw in the towel...and today was the day...and in all honesty i am so frickin relieved...the amount of stress that has been lifted off my shoulders is unbelievable...

now i am probably making it sound like my job was some horrible ridiculous thing that nobody would ever want to do but its totally not...it was just not my cup of tea...

i had been working there for almost 5 years...with my main job being filing...the company i work for is so confusing to explain that i will just spare you...all thats important is that i work for person one but person twos office...and i usually have more contact with person two (whos not my boss) then person one (who is)...

what i use to love about this job was that it was easy work...they were flexible and i worked whenever i could...and they paid fairly well...but then we moved into person twos office and it all went south...

i began to dread work each week and would stress about it for no reason other then the fact that i just grew to hate it and didnt want to go back...

i dont get a computer at work any more cause theres no room, i lost my desk and now get to work in the cornor of some random table, i dont get a lunch break unless i go out for lunch, i dont get any breaks at all for that matter...and last week i was able to use the computer for a short while and once i had left person two checked what i had been doing and noticed that i went online to looked at my blog...i did for literally two seonds cause i was only on the computer for an hour...and so i got in shit for that...

that was the straw the broke the camels back...so i gave up and told him that i would finish working my last 6 days (one day a week until australia) and then im not coming back...theres stuff other that lead to my decision but it would take to long to explain...

in the end...im glad i had the job when i did...but at this time in my life i am so over it and need something new before i scratch my eyes out...

heres hoping there are better things out there for me...

i cant remember 1989...i cant remember what you look like... (but then again i was only 4)

a photo shoot

everybodys got something to hide except me and my monkey

so yesterday was the 'matthew burwell' photoshoot...im really hoping that the pictures turned out good...i didn't use a lot of light (by choice) but i did bracket so im hoping the film will work and all will be snazzy...

matt dressed as an italian for me too...but we didn't do the photoshoot like that...

dinner was yet another huge thing ...matt and i attemped to make dessert while his parents were at his brothers hockey game...but matt added an extra egg and it didnt turn out...needless to say we still ate the deflaited pan a choux...

by the time his parentals got home and dinner got started it was 8:30 for appitizers and 9:00 for dinner...his mother was worried that i was starving since i usually eat at like 5 and it was now 4 hours later...but i had basically been eating none stop since i got there so all was good

it also started to snow yesterday which i found quite weird...not enough to stick to the ground...but it did snow a lot and for a long time...it was hella cold outside tho too... especially when we went to buy 10 lbs of mushrooms...

i have crap loads of pictures but i think i will save them and post them periodically this week...it'll give me something to talk about...or maybe i'll just stick them on buzznet or my msn photoalbum...which i should re-link...but its acting all gay so maybe not...

im at matts house...

and im on his moms iBook...and i have no idea how to use it...damn apples...they are just so damn classy...and yea...we went shopping for food...and now we are making dinner...and we have already taken some damn cool pictures...and im going to do my photography project on him tonight...and i just ate too much popcorn...and i dont know how to add pictures cause theres nothing on the screen that will let me...

the end.

who will cut our hair when we die???

last night i went out for coffee with panizzle and zomps...i figured we would go to starbucks cause we always do and that way i could get my ever so loved peppermint hot chocolate which would in turn not keep me up all night as coffee would...

i also remembered that there was a reason i no longer drank coffee...i couldn't remember exactly why since it had been such a long time...but i knew there was something about it i didnt like...

but anyways we didnt end up going to starbucks we went to this little caffe down the street...and they didnt have hot chocolate...so i just went with a caffe mocha...which looking back on it was a bad idea...

and now i remember why...

cause everytime i drink coffee at night my stomach gets all upset and making me feel like i wanna hurl all over the place...and that exactly the way i felt...

and when i got home it wasn't even like i could have gone to bed to sleep it off...b/c i was too wired...dear god...

yea so that wasn't too fun...

but then i had a dream that raymi and phil came over cause they felt bad that i couldn't come to their red party in t. so they came over and then phil started making out with me and raymi go jealous and so she started making out with me...and i was like whoa...and then we sat on my bedroom floor and talked about blogs and how raymi thought my blog was too happy and sunshine and it should be more aggressive and hating of the world...then they left to catch the plane back to t. they would only stay in town for like an hour...

weird...

i woke up at 5 this morning to give someone a birthday morning call...he was excited...

p.s. these boys are very hot...and i listened to the unicorns on the drive in...

say it ain't so...your love is a life taker...

i never really realized how much weather could affect someones mood as much as it does when you are already in a bad one...and even if your not totally in a bad mood shitty weather just puts you in the barrel with the rest of it...

its raining again and i never knew i could actually hate rain this much...i guess i can...its making me feel like death...from above...1979...

im at my internship right now and i get to spend all day taking pictures of clothes then photoshopping them and making them pretty...im quite excited about it...you tend to be more excited over the little things especially when you dont get to do them all the time...for example actually being on a computer at work that lets you blog and email people...

look at me being all classy in these pictures...its kinda funny how i can go from a total man dressed in scrubs helping my dad fix the car to a pretty dress and fancy beads...i have so many facets to me that i cant just stick with one and be that...sometimes i wanna be a skater...sometimes i wanna be a punk...sometimes i wanna be a stuck up rich girl from the hamptons...im so many things in one even i get confused...

i listened to weezer on the drive in this morning and sang every song...it was nice...i hadn't done that in a while...

anyways i should go...its going to take me like 5 years to do this picture taking project...and it has to be done for tomorrow...

yea...well...we'll see about that...

holla

**EDIT - the sun is now out and its hella bright...and im off work!!! oh goodness**

i wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself

so my mom being the avid scrapbooker that she is decided to take my brothers grad pictures and scrapbook them for him...now when she got to this picture she wasn't quite sure what it was all about...

as you can CLEARLY tell they are spelling out EMO...and my mother had heard us talking about being EMO and what not but for some very strange reason she thought we were talking about being NEMO...like finding nemo...she thought it was some bizzare teenage joke...

so in my brother scrapbook of his grad...on the page with the EMO picture she wrote NEMO and put finding nemo stickers all around it...when we had saw what she had done we could not contain ourselves...

this is jake doing his best NEMO face...hopefully when mom scrapbooks this she will get it right....FISH HEAD...

in other news...the weather is back to its crappy self and is making me quite EMO today...im stuck in a rut and i cant get out of it...

definitely this is the wrong place to be, there's blood on the futon, there's a kid drinking fire

omg...im alive...thank god...

i have been running around all day and this is the first time i have been able to sit and relax all by myself all day long...i totally value my alone time and start to go crazy if i dont get some time in the day to sit and be by myself...

i just dropped matt off at the skytrain station after our usual monday dinner and degrassi...tonights episode was especially lame...they are currently dealing with 'anorexic and bulimic' issues...it was quite histerical...

today i am offically halfway done the semester...and i thank jesus for that...after 2 and a half years i am totally ready to move on...its time to get a job and kick school in the ass...

matt bought gay gold chains today as to look...i dont know...gangsta...or emo...or something...Oh and remind me that i have a great emo post for mikey tomorrow...it involves my brother and cousin jacob so you know its going to be good...

im doing a great black and white photo shoot with matt this weekend as part of my photography class...we have to use the same subject and same background and everything but we get to experiment with different types of lighting...so if anyone has any tips on great black and white film let me know...i want these to turn out good and not crappy making me waste money...

'aight...its time to hit the sack...ive stressed out about enough pointless things today...

once i ran to you...now i run from you...this tainted love you've given...i give you all a boy could give you...take my tears and that's not nearly al

so last night was my cousins Kiki's wedding...FINALLY...

although i have like 30 cousins there hasnt been a wedding in so long...the first bunch of cousins all got married when i was young and either not invited not old enough to remember...and since i am one of the oldest of the second bunch of cousins everyones too young to get married...

but last night we had our moment...an italian family wedding...small...but super fun

here are just a few highlights from the night...

steven and jake being dorks with their camera phones...shoes...of course...
alexis and i ready for dinner...we made a list of tacky things that we are going to do at her wedding...including walking down the isle to Tainted Love...its a wedding classic...
steven and jacob are in love...awww...
now they are bandits...a wedding tradition...
it took like 10 takes to get this one...they were quite proud of it...and finally...as you can clearly tell...my family is part of the italian mob...HA

yea...so i have like 30 cousins but i always take pictures of the same ones...im such a dork...but i do have a whole bunch more pictures which i would totally check out if i were you...they are super good and super funny...so click HERE and view to your hearts content...

it was good times...you guys should really get out and go to italian weddings...theres nothing like one...maybe i will have to invite you all to mine...oh wait...im not getting married...i'll end up all old and alone...ahaha...so maybe i will just have an italian party for everyone!

beam me up scotty...i wanna go to t. and the blogger party...

awwww i just got off the phone with some of the coolest people i know ...and im jealous...

mike called me from raymis blogger party and we chatted...then he pasted the phone onto krista...who is sweeter then sweet...and then onto screetus who is totally rad...but we all know that...and then ben...who was apologizing for something...to do with vancouver...tho i couldn't really hear him or understand...but it was still nice!!!

at least they were talking about me...so i was kinda there in spirit...i should have made a cardboard cut out of myself and mailed to them so i could have 'been' there too...damnit why do i think of these things now...

awww i miss them all and want to be there hanging out with them all...except im not...im stuck at home on a friday night with homework! i know...its horrible...but its the only time this weekend i can do it...so yea...

i have nothing exciting to say other then the phone call update...im so jealous that im not there...but anyways...i got ketchup on my pants...damn you wendys $1.39 menu...my dog is pissing me off and dad drank all the beer...

maybe i'll make a video and post it on buzznet...tho im not really fond of making videos...then you guys will all get to see just what kinda of a dork i am...

tomorrow is my cousins wedding...thank god...finally a wedding in the damn family...can we say - open bar - there shall be some grand pictures...and videos comin out of that one tomorrow...holla

who only have balls when there's a camera around

just a short blog today as i just got back from work and am now off to school...

but some exciting news on the good front...looks like someone is going on a solo acoustic tour!!! you know what that means...another blog party with all us vancouverites and any others who wish to join...no date for vancouver yet but i think we all know that there will be one...obviously...so once the date is set we should start planning...i get way too excited over these things...


p.s. greatest picture of leck ever...wicked face...and he has an exclusive vancouver video shot by himself including cait and yours truly...so you should check that one out...

umm i think thats all...YAY for matt good concert...

who are you in love with this year?

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!!!

today is not a day to be sad if your single...its a day to remember that smelly loves you all because you are all crazy cool and you are you and smelly wouldn't change you even if she could!!

oh dearest valentines day...you come every years and ever year there are groups of people who protest you and hate you all because they are bitter and single...and then there are those who protest and hate all because they have someone and they are cheap and dont want to make the effort...

but really valentines day is not meant as a day to go all out and spend your life savings on someone just to show them how you feel...i mean hey if thats what you wanna do then do...but you dont have to...everyone knows that all the best gifts are home made anyways...the ones with the thought put into them...or even those really simple ones you send to someone whos not expecting it...

but i have to say...that even tho i am all 'alone' on valentines day i really couldn't care less...i am finally happy and its been a long time coming...i think the weather has a large part to do with that...

through a year of personal heart aches i have come out ok...i have made wicked cool friends and have met people i would have never otherwise met...i have realized that i am totally good on my own...and im not one of those love struck people who always have to have someone on their arm...

i have found out that i can have my own personal interests and hobbies aside from those that my significant other has...and that may seem obvious to you...but to me and a three year relastionship...everything that i thought was really mine...was really his...i just kinda 'stole' it cause i didnt have any of my own...

friends are what its all about in the end...cause with out them you got nothing...and i have made some really good friends this past year...thank god for blogging...who knows what i would have done with myself...

so YAY...be in love...with anyone or thing for that matter...your mom...your dog...your pillow...your foot...and just know that someone out there is thinking of you and loves you...it may just be me...ahaha

ok im offically the biggest dork ever!

anyways...i hope everyones day was good...and better then mine...i did homework all day and ate chocolate! but it was fun...and then i served chad with divorce papers...i get the car and house...but apparently he still gets certain ' services' ...i guess he just wouldn't be chad is he didnt fight in court for such things...ah well...

hugs and kisses

that was...INTENSE...(apparently thats a big word over on the island)...

so sunday was wicked cool...i was confused at first with the plans...b/c well i was hung over and didnt really know what was going on but we figured all out...

met leckery and cait down in english bay where they said there hotel was...we planned to go for dinner and they thought i was gonna tell them to come "all the way" out to burnaby where i live...but im like NO...english bay is 10 times cooler...

leckery was waiting on the cornor like a good old hooker for me...i saw him from a mile away but he didnt see me...cait was peeing in starbucks...just thought i would let you know...

leck thinks im a blogg celebrity...

as you can tell we are the coolest blogger around...all of us with our cameras taking pictures...we were actually taking pictures of caits lemon wrapped in cheese cloth...apparently they dont do this on the island...i didnt even know they did this in van dot...

we were being really big camera dorks...and leck was making comments about this picture that was hanging on the wall and how you could see the guys twigg and berries...and i was like well we are in the gay center of the city...so it makes sense...

i frickin love when caitlin gives this face...shes such a riot...she kept laughing at everything cause she was drunk and kept apologizing for it but i was so amused so it was all good...i couldnt stop laughing either...

i was sneaky and paid the bill with out them knowing so they tried to give me 20 bucks but i wouldn't take it...so leck made it into a plane and tried to fly it over to me...but it didnt work...

we went back to the hotel from some good times...the only thing leck brought with him for the weekend was 10 pounds of electronic equipment and socks...

cait was doin 'mug shots' ...it was intense...

we had a live proformace from matt good - in other words leck played his music from his laptop...but it was still pretty sweet...

aww look its us...leck kept freaking out saying - but your from the internet and now your sitting right here - and i was laughing b/c yea its a bit weird finally meeting people you talk to all the time on the internet but it was totally rad...

i have no idea what was going on right here...

aww we are the cutest ever...

leck was checking out the gays across the street in their appartments...apparently there was a lot of bending over...

taking the good stuff for the road...

i drove them to the canucks game...and we listened to matt good and pretended like we knew all this stuff about him and pointed out all these things like - thats where matt buys his shoes...and thats where he taks his dogs for walks - and then we stopped and totally realized we were being sketchy...hahah but it was funny

anyways...YOU GUYS WERE TOTALLY COOLIO...im coming to visit you...and PETER (apparently im dating him according to leck) this summer!!!

on the way to the party there was a club full of drag queens and gothic half naked transvestites...we wanted to go there instead

james is 21 now

these are all his friends who i dont know...nor did i talk to them...ha

james older brother daves - who i think looks like billy corgan - friend kevin who flys planes...he made fun of me for liking corduroy...and hes 37...what THIRTYSEVEN...

james being a fag with my ring...

yes hes my cousin...my really drunk cousin

we is so hot

this is actually a very classic james picture...i have many that look like this...

i totally didnt take lots of pictures...one because my other cousin elise ditched us b/c half the people she came with were at the back of the line and didnt get in...so they all went to some other bar leaving me with peeps i didnt know...but it turned out coolio...

and chad was there too with his buddy ryan...but i only saw them for a short bit since i was fiestaing it up with family and people i didnt know...and i have no pictures to prove any of this...tis ok...i will be seeing him and leckery and cait in like an hour anyways...

im so not feeling good...

oh snap

i hate how the second you talk about death everyone freaks out and thinks you are crazy...

so not to sound totally morbid...but death is death...and eventually you have to think about it...

and just because you think about it doesnt mean you are some crazy depressed suicidal crazy ass who is going to go and jump of a bridge in about three seconds - tho on a side note i have jumped off a bridge before...it was pretty sweet

anyways...sometimes i like to be morbid and talk about death and dying...people have died in my family...but for me it was never a sad moment...i mean it was but not where i was so over come with emotion and spent 3 weeks balling my eyes out...im pretty accepting of death...i know things happen for a reason and death is one of those things...so why fight it...

i guess thats partially because no one really really really close to me has died...tho i dont know if i actually would be overly emotional...

anyways...so i was thinking...what happens if/when i die...whos gonna tell all the people on my blog??? are they just going to think that i have left them all...and with no explanation??? so i thought to myself...i need someone to come on here and leave a message saying that i have died...as a way to let you all know...so the only person i could think of that would know i died and have access to my blog would be my friend dario...so i asked him to be my 'death' messenger...ha that sounds really bad...

i guess this is something us bloggers have to think about...who will take over when we die...will anybody??? will we still be blogging at that point??? will we have to leave our blogs to people in our wills...expressing exactly who we want to have it and what we want done with it??? this raises a lot of odd questions...

anyways let me say this now...im sorry but no one gets my blog...it will just be left here as a memorial to myself...and all you crazy bloggers that i love can come here and remember me...the nut that i was...

but now dont go and freak out...im not about to kill myself...i was just thinking about this...

the only thing that is guaranteed in life is death...

humm...i wonder what you guys would all do if i did die tho???

crack the door for the curious girl 'cuz she's waitin'

so i have like...over 8,000 pictures that i have taken stored in my pictures folder...and my moms all like 'if you dont save them to cd and your computer crashes you will lose them all'...which i know because its happened to me before...luckly the importnat pictures are up on my blog or online photo albums so i sorta have a back up...but i know i will have to download them all to cd or something as to save them...

i have started to go through and delete the non important ones...like where i take 10 pictures and only one good one turns out...that way i will have the cool ones forever and the ghetto ones get tossed...

my mom is obsessed with scrapbooking...and i was too when i was younger...i went back and scrapbooked all my pictuers from when i was a kid one summer...it took forever...but now with me taking so many pictures i rarely print them other then to frame them so i just dont like scrapbooking anymore...plus my blog is like my online scrapbook...

anyways we got into a big pointless fight about me not printing my pictures and putting them into photo albums...and i said that i do its just online...and she says that doesnt count b.c no one can view them except weird people on the internet...and i just stared at her like she was crazy...

ummm HELLO...anyone can see them just like how anyone can see your photo album...gawd...

sometimes i just dont understand her...anyways...before i get more pissed off then i already am...

tomorrows going to be a fun day at my internship...we are going to some hotel for a big meeting where we get to learn about what everyones role is and all about branding the company...so im excited to hear and learn...plus we get a super cool free lunch...yumm alert...

ok im tired...

they come for the smelly...they stay for the ciavarro...

leckery made the dinosaur picturettes...cait never made any but hopefully she will...

read the post below for more information...

i'm older then leckery and thats all that matters...

i really have nothing to say other then this...

some islanders are coming to van-dot on sunday feb. 12 and would like to fiesta between 12ish and 6ish...so if there is anyone in the van. area who would like to fiesta it up with me and them please email me and let me know...then i can gather something up and we can share in good times...

good times...

i tried posting this an hour ago...apparently blogger was down...

all my projects are at a lull...

and instead of being all stressed like i was two seconds ago...

now im bored...

i dont understand it...

anyways i've decided to make myself a winter coat...

even tho winters on its way to being over...

so i drew up a flat and bought some fabric...

but for some reason the frickin flats wont post on here...so i cant show you how cool it is...

today we didnt have class but rather a day of research...

which in fashion translates to hanging out at a mall all day and watching people and what they wear...

and going into stores, seeing what they have...then buyin it all...

i bought the sweetest army jacket ever...tho i have a lack of funds...but i dont care...

i love everything that has to do with the army...especially clothes and colours...

im going to go watch project runway now...

oh fashion...you kill me...

im suppost to meet my local weed for beers this weekend...its my cousins birthday fiesta but i told him to come anyways...he better show up...or i'll send the mob...

we are going to fight over who gets which mike...i cant say who im pulling for...cause either way it'll put me in the bad books with one of the them...

i went from a 20 year old living in a childs room...to a 20 year old living in a bachelor pad...

so this is where we left off...a REALLY pink room...it was totally cute...and a good idea at the time...

ahh...the parentals prime it white...

then father-kins starts to paint...


and now the finished results...half of it looks like a guys bachelor pad...i made new bedding out of brown coruroy so it makes it look all silky and sexy and like im a bachelor...matt says its like im sleeping in a pair of mens pants...
the other half is kinda boring and minimalistic which is what i wanted...its the perfect balance of my craziness and my minimaliticness...

the room is quite classy compared to what it was...and its totally more mature and way cooler in my books...i guess you grow up and your tastes change...anyways its a totally cool hang out...i should invite you all and have a party in here...

oh yea...theres very little pink...so its more natural then it is neopolitan