I noticed the other day when I tried to put my hair in a bun that I had a lot of fly aways and baby hairs sticking out all over my head. I guess there is always a certain amount of new hairs growing out of your head but I’d never had this many baby hairs before. It was especially ‘bad’ around my fore head and hair line. You can actually kind of notice it in my birthday pictures, a layer of small fluffy hairs sticking out around my face and part. A halo of hair, if you will.

I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on with my hair until I realized, it’s been about a year since I got the all clear from the cancer agency. I guess my body is starting to function like it use to.

While none of the cancer treatments made me lose my hair, the over all wackiness of my hormone levels caused by my cancerous thyroid did. My hair became thinner and more brittle. The texture totally changed and everything about it was ‘not normal’. After my surgeries and treatments it took the doctors quite a while to figure out a good level of thyroid replacement therapy for me. Every time I went for a blood test my levels were uped so there was really no consistency for my body. However, for the past 6-9 months my levels have stayed the same, which I guess is allowing my body to fully get back to the way it  use to be, hence all my new hair!

It’s going to take a long time for my hair to fully regain the status it once had, especially if I wait for all these baby hairs to grow as long as the others, but it’s nice to know things are getting back to the way they where (yay thick Italian hair!!!). As for now, I guess I need to start going to bed early to read the little guys a bed time story and encourage them to grow in to strong and long healthy adult hairs!

Today is the day I can officially say I am Cancer Free.

Today is the day I can stop worrying about the next time I have to go for tests.

Today is the day I don’t worry about results.

Today is the day I live again.

I still have to go back for yearly blood tests.

I still have to have all my levels monitored.

But I can live with that.

I’m so glad this day has finally arrived.

Thank you to everyone who showed their love and support <3

I hate when nurses act all sketched out around you and as much as you try to read it to what they are reacting to, you can’t, and you are left to believe that something has gone wrong, when in reality, it could be that everything is fine and they are just horrible at interacting with people.

I read too much into situations and then I worry myself sick.

The important thing to remember is, if something HAD been wrong, they would have called me back.

Now my brain is mush.

So today is about 100 times less stressful then yesterday was. Yesterday I had to go back into the Cancer Clinic.

After my Radioactive therapy last October, the scan of cancer/thyroid left in my body did not match up with the results of the blood test, so they didn’t know what was going on. They sent me home with the information that I would have to go for more blood tests and then in March, a whole 5 months away, I would get the results of everything and would find out if I had to be Radioactive again.

While the whole Radioactive therapy thing wasn’t painful, it was kind of mentally traumatic, and the thought of having to do it again freaked me out every time I thought about it. I had been so strong through out the whole year, but the thought of being isolated again sent me into panic mode.

So I went for all my blood tests and lived the past 5 months thinking March was a month that didn’t existed. I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to face reality, I just wanted to pretend like nothing was going on.

Then March came. Yesterday came.

I tried to think positively about everything, and even though at my last Family Doctor visit, he said my Thyroid Levels looked good I wasn’t about to count my chickens before they were hatched.

Every time I have gone into a doctors office, by myself, thinking it was no big deal and nothing bad was going to come out of it I’ve been handed a bombshell. This has now shattered my faith of hearing good news.

I was in stomach panic mode all day yesterday. I could only function doing mindless tasking because my brain was too consumed with worry to do any other thinking. The closer it got to 3:00 the more I felt like I was going to puke. Of course I internalised it all and didn’t tell anyone other then Chad. But I know my body. When I worry more then I need to everything comes out ok. I can’t stop myself from worrying; it’s physically and mentally impossible until I face whatever it is I’m suppose to face, then everything goes back to normal. It’s been like this for 1000 years.

So we got to the Cancer Clinic early and sat in the waiting room. Suddenly the thought of my fate hit me as I saw a young woman walk in with no hair. Of course my condition is not that extreme, but it still freaked the crap out of me as to what could have happened. I was totally consumed by feelings of dread.

It didn’t help that they were running late and I didn’t get to see the doctor until 3:30! Sweet Jesus make me suffer.

Everything came back normal.

Praise SHAZZIB!

I have to up my Thyroid pills from 88mg to 100mg, but that’s no big deal.

Because Chad and I are looking to have babies in the next year, he wanted to make sure that everything was 100% OK, so I have to go in for one more scan.

I have to do the same thing as last time. Shot in the Bum on Monday, Shot in the Bum on Tuesday, Scan Wednesday. Then, maybe, just maybe, I will FINALLY get the all clear and just have to go back for check ups.

This is the never ending Thyroid Journey. Every time I think I am SOOO close to it being over, something else comes up. I hope this will finally be the end, for now.

I went to my family Doctor yesterday to get my prescriptions refilled and I asked him a bunch of questions about all the stuff I was told at the Cancer Clinic. He put all my worries to rest and said one test doesn’t mean anything. This is a wait and see situation and there is really nothing to worry about at this point. He is going to get the Cancer Clinic to fax him over the rest of the results and then review them himself. Thank God for that.

Last night Marlee and I went out for coffee and I did the stupid thing of having a White Chocolate Mocha at 8pm. I swear to God I never learn. Anyways, we were there until about 10:30 and hyper as ever. I got home and did all the dishes, made all the lunches, cleaned up and had a shower before going to bed. I was on caffeine fire. I slept alright, but after having my morning tea I seriously felt like I was hungover. I had a coffee hangover. Ugh. Not good. I basically had to eat a bunch of food to make it go away. Thankfully it did.

I am super craving pasta right now. I wonder which sauce Chad will make tonight.

Alicia is sick and dying behind me. If she touches anything that belongs to me I am going to punch her in the face. IN THE FACE!

I spent the entire day putting together the Spring Production Schedule. It took forever but it looks amazing. I organize like a Mother Trucker.

I’m really not a fan of Mandatory Marley at 4:20.