The Grey Clouds of January
Monday, January 23rd, 2012I had a quiet weekend, this weekend. Chad was out most of the timing doing man things and I was home doing a whole lot of nothing.
I managed to finish the 2nd Harry Potter novel on Sunday while wrapped up in 300 blankets. I was freezing cold and no amount of soup could warm me up.
The novelty of our situation is starting to wear off. Obviously we are beyond thankful that my parents have opened up their house to us, but it is starting to hit me just how much I wish we had a space of our own. You can only keep yourself cooped up in your bedroom for so long. Especially when it isn’t exactly the warmest place in the house! When you sit in a big empty house, all you wish is that someone was home to make it not feel so lonely, and when you sit in a big full house, all you wish is that everyone would go out so you can have some alone time. Yes, I know, the grass is always greener.
I realized today that in just over a month we will have been living this whole “transition into the next phase of life” for a year. I did not expect that it would take us a year. Scratch that, I did not expect that it would take us more then a year, considering we haven’t even bought a house yet.
We’ve seen a total of 4 houses in the last month. All of them have been older, heritage-esque homes in New West. We found one that was as close to perfect as we have seen to date, but it wasn’t perfect (not that anything will be). I know that when a house is right, we will feel it, but questions and anxiety start to run through my head. How will I know it is right? Will we ever find something that is right? How will I know that this feeling is the right feeling? I guess you just have to have faith. I knew when I met Chad that it was right, and now I have to trust that when I meet our house, I will know that it is right.
I’ve been spending more and more time sitting in silence, waiting for a voice to tell me what to do. That’s all I really can do right now.
Part of me just questions what all this waiting is for, why do we have to wait so long? Well, we have to wait so long because what is meant to be ours isn’t ready to be ours yet, and once it is I will feel silly that I ever worried and stressed about all the waiting. Didn’t Tom Petty say that the waiting is the hardest part? He was right.
I feel a little forlorn about our situation even though I have nothing to be forlorn about.
I just want a house so damn bad.





